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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

The Time Travelling Swan

Bit of a late night tonight. Della and I were invited to a party in Hampstead. Well, the party was in Hampstead, but we all went there in cabs after attending a private view for a new exhibition which has been put on by a close friend of Della’s in a different part of London.

They politely suggested fairly formal dress, and not being one to offend  I actually chucked a tie round my neck for a change whereas Della was a bit more adventurous and dug out a vintage Vivienne Westwood number which went down with great aplomb (though I think they were equally surprised to see me in conventional black suit and tie for once!). The private view was very successful and stimulating, but it was nice to relax and have a drink afterwards in the more familiar surroundings of the ‘vale of health’, as our part of North London was in times gone by traditionally referred to.

There were lots of new people to meet (and some familiar faces such Carl and Rich of course) but it wasn’t too overwhelming or claustrophobic as the verandah doors were left open on account of the balmy Summer heat, affording a welcome breeze to drift across from the Heath.

They are a pretty witty bunch with a somewhat dark sense of humour and the company I must say was extremely congenial. One quite amusing incident occurred happened as a result of a new ‘tablet’ which Della has acquired. She clicked on a link by mistake – or rather the tablet which was in her handbag did – I suppose she must have accidentally spiked it with her stiletto. Anyway the image which appeared on the screen – reproduced below with thanks to – seemed to represent a silver plated life sized swan which had been commissioned by a devoted husband as a wedding gift for his wife, on the occasion of their 25th anniversary.

Now, Della was sure she had seen this swan somewhere before, and assuming it was a replica passed her tablet around the group which consisted not only of modern day art dealers, but a number of specialists in antiquities. It was soon confirmed – to great consternation – that the rather remarkable automaton swan in question was indeed a genuine antique, having been commissioned in 1773 and presently housed at Bowes Museum in County Durham. To whit, some of those present had even been privileged to view it in real life. And this was when the laughter really began. How could a person, living some 250 years later, in this current day and age, have had it commissioned – or even be implying that he may have created it himself – as a present to be presented in 2012?

It really beggared belief – well not so much beggared – as nobody present believed it for obvious reasons! Well much guffawing ensued, especially when it was pointed out who this individual in fact was. Talk about some Bonky stunt, designed to fool those who are not genuine connoisseurs of art. I ask you?! Well, you know how it is when you get the giggles and it becomes infectious and no one seems able to stop laughing? It really did make the night. I seem to recall one particular notary in the antiques business remarking that although very poorly exacted – as a hoax it was so badly done it was worthy of merit for its sheer audacity and comedy value.

So, we left the party in high spirits around an hour ago, just a short(ish) cab ride back to Muswell Hill, and back, I have to say, to some pleasantly needed peace and quiet.  They were all very entertaining people, but it is nice to get home some times and have a private glass of wine without any need for socialising or conversation (apart from with each other of course). At least, that is what I originally thought, but Della had one more surprise in store for me! She insisted she take a quick photo to capture my relief at the moment I finally got to loosen my tie and was ready to change back into my favourite, and more comfortable cheesecloth shirt.

Well she took the picture; banged it on the computer, and insisted that I post it with this latest Blog. Along with the time travelling swan of course! Which she still had saved on her tablet and just can’t stop laughing about. Oh well, anything for a bit of peace so I have agreed. But please take a good look my friends, you are unlikely to see another photograph of myself wearing a tie for some time to come! A cravat maybe, but that’s a different story for a different day….

Well that’s how the night has finally ended, although I did have a few problems earlier in the day from my two besotted fans in West Yorkshire, who insist on writing about me all over the place. In this particular instance it was on Kai Robert’s FB wall, who had happened to mention the lasses’ ravings and found himself being subsequently described on one of their many fansites devoted to myself on FB using some very unladylike language. I basically ignored the latest Coronation Street-type gossip, but never the less had to spend an hour or two setting the record straight.

And then we had to have dinner and get ready for the exhibition and the party. Which I have just described. And so once again, here we are! Hoping for a slightly quieter day tomorrow, but obviously bed first to try and get some much needed sleep.

So that’s all for the moment,


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1946 - 2019




From the vaults ...

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A Serious Interjection

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