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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

Somehow! . . .

Its all been happening!

Here, there and everywhere over the past few days trying to keep on top of the writing and the books, and associated things. Its funny, but one thing just ‘leads to another’ sometimes. You might know the feeling . . . that sometimes life is not your own. No sleep at all on Sunday night; but I’ve managed to catch up on that . . . somehow!

What else? Well, that Internet Radio station I gave an interview for on April 2 (Nocturnal Frequency Radio), has now been bombarded (at least their Forum has) by a mass of ongoing malicious comments. By some nutter calling himself ‘vampirologist’. Well, we all know who that is, don’t we?! I gave his true identity to the guy that runs it anyway. So he has the full picture.

As I said my Talk went well last week; at least I was told that it did. It was different this time as it was more of a ‘public interview’. And it was filmed too, by two independent video companies; not to mention all the still photographs taken by some people. (Yes, you will get to see all of it, don’t worry!).

Oh, going back just a little, I saw Speedqueen last Friday, and Gareth was here as well. The lovely girl brought me 400 cigarettes from France so that was a nice thought. You see, some people do actually like me! Unlike a few others who have allowed themselves to become possessed by negativity!

I have begun working on the Old Bailey chapter now, and that really is a ‘bitch’. Sorry, but there’s no other way to describe it. Not really the kind of stuff that I like writing as there’s loads of technical stuff to be referenced. I just like to be free to express my opinions; not get ‘bogged down’ by a load of technical and legal stuff. All will be revealed anyway when Vol 2 hits the shelves. But a lot more in the next book about “Jezebel’ and her cohort before that!

So everyone. I will finish here. Still a little tired if the truth be known, but nowhere near as bad as Monday morning!

For the moment,


28 Responses

    This is a reference to Jezebel which you might find of interest, I dont really think it fits the person you are referring to.Jezebel is famous for her “painted face”–that is she put on her makeup and stood at her window bravely defying the men she knew who had come to kill her.
    If you want references to women of the bible there are more appropriate ones!
    tata barbara

    1. Hi Barbara,
      I take your point about the make-up.
      Maybe Deliah fits the character better!
      For now,

  2. “charlatan”…”no intelligent person takes seriously”…”bandwagoneer”…fraudster”… “will not stand up to close scrutiny and examination” etc.
    You could say the same for the psychic alien houseplant expert they had on last week, or the hollow earth guy, or the UFO conspiracy theorist. Don’t worry, the charges hurled at you by Bonky/Vambery won’t discourage listeners of paranormal radio shows.
    If nothing else, it might make you more popular with them!

    1. Hi Cat,
      As a matter of fact, that person has now been banned from the Forum of Nocturnal Frequency Radio where I gave my Talk on April 2nd. So, you’re right; just shows you how much notice they take of his comments!
      Do YOU take any notice of such malicious comments Cat? Just asking!
      For now,

  3. another new alias?
    another banning?
    hahaha pwned!
    i guess he cant really use old dennis crayfish anymore can he.
    notice how all his ‘thousands’ of followers have vanished from his little msn/multiply groups?
    now that it has turned into a blog format, he can’t post questions to himself anymore under fake names.
    and as for his highgate vampire blog, well thats just a hub of activity isnt it?
    its nice to see somebody so busy and unable to answer things in their own name making so many posts and blogs.
    i suppose thats what happens when u dont actually have a church.

  4. I suggest Jael– she of the tentpeg in the head, Salome???? Judith???? Bathsheba being spied upon by erm King David………….lots more, its a fascinating book is the Old Testament, full of sex,violence,betrayal, genocide and incest! I often wonder why people swear on it in court, if they knew what was in its pages!

  5. Yes Craig
    It seems old crayfish has gone back under his rock at the bottom of the river now! Well guess he had no choice did he? I mean, if he had stayed out in the open much longer, he really would have been cooked!
    For now,
    PS Are catfish any relation to you, Cat!?

  6. looks like arsius bogus has had his comments deleted and profile removed.
    now i wonder if his ip turns out to be the same as….da da da daaa lord bishop dickhead’s?
    sigh…when will the old duffer learn?
    i’velost count of the amount of websites/forum boards that hes been banned from.
    hes worse than a moaning teenager.
    i’m sure flossie was onto something when she said he was on heavy medication.

  7. I can’t believe his dickipogginess Bishop Hugopop is still at it–gosh at his age behaving like a adolescent hoodie!
    He has been banned over dozens of boards, you dont knwo the arf!
    By the way, sorry to mention Robertus Hoodius but I have heard that the grave and gatehouse are now in the hands of a “group”–probably the old cap doffing brigade. I wrote and asked but they were all sniffy and snooty as usual–looks as if the Armytage line has now extinct!!!!! Better not mention any names on here, but the mysterious German Prussian Officer springs to mind………….see link!

  8. Confessions of a Ghost/Vampire Hunter
    Carry on Up Highgate
    The Dreadful Disclosures of (Maria Monk)……………………
    The Vampire and the Virgin
    Pistols at Dawn by Pinky And Perky
    Gone with the Wind
    From Highgate to Heckmondwike
    Anyone for Dennis
    The Vampire Hunters Cookbook–Nourishing Broth
    Tightbreeks and trumpets
    The Peoples Priest–the story fo Father Dirk Dashwood , descendent of Sir Francis, telling he saved an innocent young maiden from the clutches of Satanists written by his faithful friend Brother Bertram, the former Dog of War who he also saved from eternal damnation.
    More to come!
    hah you have set me off David!

  9. New book titles on the subject I’d like to see:
    Not Apparent It’s Farrant
    Batty In Brighouse
    Shaving Brush Romances, Volume 2
    Church Of The Seaside Loo
    Subterranean Coal Bin Blues
    Diary Of A Luciferian Layabout
    Teeth Like Stonehenge, Legs Like A Piano, But She’s Mine, All Mine
    Muswell That Ends Well
    Love In The Ice Cream Van
    Riding Robin’s Coattails For Fun & Profit
    Gareth By Moonlight
    Damned But Delightful

    1. Cat, I give up!! But I must admit I like the one “Gareth by Moonlight”!
      The good news is, I think I’ve finally ‘driven her off now’ with all her insane ramblings, but the bad news (for you) is that means you’ll have nothing left to write about! Anyway, hopefully that person has finally got the message – although its taken two years though (12 June 2007 to be precise!).
      I’ll mention your title to Gareth to see hat he thinks of it anyway!
      Started up my old “Friends of David Farrant” again on Facebook. Just thought I’d tell you otherwise you’re bound to find it.
      “Curiousity killed the cat” it is said. Wish that was really true Cat!!

  10. I’m going to skip doing a Blog today – little tired.
    But I’m also going to skip getting involved in this Cat and Craig. I’ll still get blamed for it anyway, but at least I’ll know the comments were not mine!
    Forthe moment,

  11. Ha Ha!!!
    How about:
    Once a Pagan always a Pagan (Except when I’m Roman Catholic) – Fugly.
    101 things to do with two twigs and a shoelace – A. Farrow.
    Horsewhips for dummies – Gareth J. Medway.
    Tales from behind the nasty nets – Mrs Bonky.
    Removing cat hairs the easy way – B. Green
    How to Ad your Clerum and Eat it too – Kersey, Linley et all.
    Short skirt, no knickers – Pulling priests in church – Fugly.
    All I wanted was a strawberry mivvi – Shirley.
    Magic Acts for children Volumes 1-12 Bonky and Pope.
    Diana, her rock – Bonky.
    A-Z of soho dungeons – Medway, Gareth . J
    Candle in the wind – Mrs Bonky.
    Compendium of dickipoggy Hallowe’en ceremonies – Green B. & Pope J.R.
    Grotesque Cartoons – Demant C.
    Knickers here, Knickers there, Knickers everywhere – Farrant.
    You’ve got me started now Barbara 😉

  12. FILMS!
    the fugly duckling
    the good, the bad and the fugly
    the liar, the bitch and the whores robe
    fistful of dolls hairs…audio commentary by shirley.
    for a few dolls hairs more…more tales from the magic ice cream van
    Dr No…Priest Yes

  13. Oh dear–what have I started!
    Okay so I will have to put up with the joke as well but please be accurate. Whats this about cat hairs–that was probably from the original nosence written by Mrs Dumpling about my house, none of it being true as was proven, but to join in the joke
    When is a House not a house–when it hasnt an upstairs and downstairs and is called a bungalow
    Big Black Pentagrams–as magically conjured up out of the ether
    Signs of Black Magic–decorative candles
    Poisoning my innocent girly mind about His Holiness Sir Bonkers
    Cat hairs and Candles–sure sign of a witch
    And for the others
    101 dickipoggy things to do with Shaving Brushes as written from experience by the Dirty Dozen
    My Lovely Shaving brush–a tender and sentimental Journey by Sir Gareth Medway–and entry for the Eurovision Song Competition
    and for cat;
    Flatlining for Felines—-by Cat, with furry feline learning disabilities.
    For David
    1001 naughty nights in a dingy bedsit
    for bonky
    The Scarlet Wimpernel
    Behind the nasty nets of the cloud -cuckoo cult
    Dribbling dreams of the paranormal princess

    1. As long as you appreciate that it was NOT me that started it Barbara! Hope you all realise this ‘evil witch’ (myself!) is going to be blamed for all this. Although I can understand peoples’ feelings after the way in which they feel that they were ‘betrayed to the devil’! Well they were!
      For now,

  14. He He!
    Barbara, I expect your house is immaculate, I was just teasing 🙂
    I like cats anyway.

    Sax, Sex, and Skin Tight Breeks
    Hard Day’s Night In An Ice Cream Van
    The Devil Made Me Do Her
    Wham, Bam, Pentagram!
    Dumb, Dumber, and Dumpling
    A Yobbo In Yorkshire
    Cat Hairs On My Sofa
    Lord Bonky Sings The Hits
    Praise The Lord and Pass The Ecclesiastical Titles
    Me And My Dodgy Leg Got Rhythm
    Knickers Down For Derek Acorah

  16. I wouldnt say my house was immaculate but it isnt full of Satanic car hairs and big black pentagrams and witch ‘s candles–I dont burn candles at all considering them a fire risk! Also a house that has an upstairs and downstairs is by definition a house, it is hasnt got stairs then, correct me if I am wrong,its a bungalow . People who have been welcomed into your house as guests would do well not to slag you off on the Internet–only one person has done this, no one on this board–plus the insults were a pack of lies either deliberate or due to faulty memory and pure dopeyness–ie the house has an upstairs and a downstairs quote!
    Anyhow, it was rather amusing at the end of the day.
    Couldnt resist a final fit of inspiration—
    Dances with Vampires.
    If you think of some more film titles and book titles I am sure they can be adapted but I am shattered to off to bed–up the stairs of my bungalow–ooops, house that is!
    ps how is the swine fever down there?
    toodlepip again

  17. For Cat and Alex:
    Please let me know what you intend to put in ‘Gareth by Moonlight’, it sounds like an interesting read! But, for clarification, horsewhips are not used in Soho nightclubs, as there isn’t enough room, flogging is done with such implements as canes and short cats of nine tails – I don’t know how many tails you have, Cat! I’m rather busy with other things at the moment, so this is all that I can say for now.
    Referring, though, to comments on an earlier blog posting, it was myself who took the photograph of Barbara and Mrs. Dumpling, but since I did it with David’s camera and David’s film, clearly the copyright belongs to him. I recall a bitching session, twenty years ago, over who took a very impressive picture of a rainbow over Glastonbury Tor, I’m not sure how that was resolved. In the 1970s one professional (in the sense that he did it for money) photographer used to regularly repeat the mantra “He that owns the negative owns the copyright”, but it would follow that “He who stole the negative stole the copyright.” I trust this makes everything clear.
    Gareth J. Medway

  18. – “Please let me know what you intend to put in ‘Gareth by Moonlight’, it sounds like an interesting read! ”
    I believe it would feature Gareth as host in a chat show setting dressed in a combination of leather and velvet togs much like a cross between Austin Powers and the Marquis De Sade. “By moonlight”, Gareth would proceed to moderate a debate between his guests, a man claiming to be a descendant of Lord Byron and another claiming to have never dampened the knickers of any young and impressionable Yorkshire lass. At some point there would be music and dancers followed by a flogging and cake.

    1. I’ll have to let Gareth answer that, Cat (rather him than me!) But it won’t be until next weekend. As I explained, he is not not on line and only posts when he can use my computer.
      Actually, its not a bad script – although I don’t know what he will think of it.
      This other mysterious individual who you refer to, also sounds rather fascinating. . I mean, how could anybody claim to have never done that i.e. ‘put the dampers’ on the hopes of some Yorkshire lasses!?
      I find that hard to believe; but then, as this is only a proposed script, I guess its acceptable as fiction.
      But I’ll let Gareth reply to this next Friday or Saturday.
      For the moment,

  19. A Clockwork Banana
    The Good the bad and the ——–foolish,idiotic, pompous etc
    Bednobs and dipsticks
    Snuggles in Wonderland
    The shocking Shenakins of a shaving brush
    Sir Gareth grows a beard
    I am the Greatest by the Sir Boastful Bonkiness, president of the International Society for the irreproducable vampires and wicked old werewolves, also devoted to the saving of you virgins and fallen women.
    Silly Walks by the Ministry of Silly Bishops and his Merry Men
    Ye Olde Condom Factory “Robin Hoods” now in stock by Capdoffers Incorporated
    tata barbara

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1946 - 2019




From the vaults ...

A flashback to one of David’s comedic, profound or quizzical blog entries. Dive into the archives to find more gems.