RIP + David Farrant 1946 - 2019 +

The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

Its So Difficult Sometimes

Well, its 9.15 and I’ve decided to do another Blog post tonight because somebody asked me (what I consider to be) a very relevant question.

Hailey asked me:

How is it that you can, after so much time has passed, still keep an objective recollection of the events that surrounded you/ Highgate/ etc.? I have always been so interested, absolutely absorbed with you and your Highgate debacle. Of course, it was easier to care deeply about it when I was younger and didn’t have to deal with the comings and goings on of maturity. Awful reality of life at times.

But I digress– I want to know how it is that you are able to look at the events of your life, that you were involved in and that you voraciously believed in– and still hold onto your perspective in the face of those who maliciously tried to discredit you?
Have a lovely day, David–

This might be a fairly complex question, but it is nice to be asked a sensible question for a change (and ‘yes’ I’m talking about you two, Cat and Craig!). Its so difficult sometimes because my life has always been slightly traumatic! And obviously there’s just some things I’d rather just not remember. But I guess that as a writer, there’s just some things that you have to do, especially when writing an autobiography and people want to know what the truth actually involved.

I should explain, that when I wrote most of the book, it was done in prison and everything was somehow more ‘acute’; and many events were not so far ‘back’ in the past. As a matter of fact, most of what I wrote had to be ‘smuggled out’ of prison as the Home Office wouldn’t allow any mention of legal disputes or prison conditions. I was given the option of writing it but the condition was it had to be submitted to the Home Office for approval at the end of my sentence. I simply refused, so did it the ‘hard way’. That’s really another story, but the point is that when I was released in July 1976, I had a full (but jumbled) hand-written manuscript to work from. Many things became ‘crystal clear’ while I was in that dingy cell, and I decided to get them all down on paper properly typed. And I did!

I suppose that’s one reason why things were so easy to remember. They were somehow ‘magnified’ without the usual distractions. There are many things I contemplated (in 1976) leaving out of the book altogether. But then I thought ‘no’, its got to be truthful or there’s no point in writing it. In other words its ‘all or nothing’ – even if some events might have otherwise be seen to put me in a ‘bad light’. I guess I partly reasoned, I couldn’t have a worse reputation that the one I’d already been given by the Press, Courts and certain ‘other people’ (who I won’t mention here!), so it really didn’t make that much difference.

So I think that’s really the basic answer to your question, Hailey. The other point, of course, is that I’ve always been gifted with a fairly good memory; although the latter is also probably due to the fact I was deeply involved in mysticism, which teaches – among other things – the importance of developing a ‘clear mind’; that is, ‘uncluttered by ‘material things, which I hope makes sense!

So, I hope that answers your question. And thank you because it was an important question and I’m sure one that many people would have wanted me to explain. Thank you again for posting and if there’s anything I may have inadvertently left out, please do just ask again!

Yours for the moment,
David (Farrant)


49 Responses

  1. I think I completely understand what it is that you are trying to convey– and I think that sort of writing is absolutley essential. Not in the simple sense of keeping history honest (which seems to me, at this point in my existence, is certainly impossible, since history is like sand– it keeps form well but changes with every wind) but something else that is far too abstract for me to grapple with, explicate, etc. I asked you about the process of memory and was glad to get the answer that I did because it seems to me that the more I learn and am initiated into new spheres of thought (spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, psychically, anything), the less and less I am able to view the past without the lens of this new adjustment in perception. Your involvement in mysticism has helped you develop the uncluttered mind (– I understand this intellectually and emotionally– and I think that I have had shadows of this process without fully embracing it–) what is is exactly that you mean by that? How do you develop mystically to subjugate the material world without developing a material attatchement to the process itself, or the fruits that it brings with it?
    Good evening,

    1. Thanks Hailey,
      You pointed out, or asked:
      “How do you develop mystically to subjugate the material world without developing a material attachment to the process itself, or the fruits that it brings with it?”
      You know, Hailey, you have hit upon one of the most difficult – yet essential – things of all. How to be aware of the process – or processes – of thought, without not actually letting such recognition or awareness becoming a part of the thought process itself.
      I can only answer this by saying that basically you can’t. The only way it can be done is by recognizing the differences between the two: to recognize the processes of thought, is to go a long way in separating an awareness of thought from the processes of thought themselves.
      This is not intended to be some sort of clever answer. I couldn’t mean it more sincerely.
      It might sound over-simplified as it is because it is really not that simple. There are other deeper levels of thought which are still ‘there’ even though these might not be consciously apparent.
      Then there is your point of having to live – or being a part of – (well, my terminology) the material world. This is important, because I have never suggested, just pretend that the ‘material world’ does ‘not exist’. It does, and we are all a part of it. And we have to live in it – and through it – with such a recognition.
      I only really meant that the effects of it (the material world) are controllable (in some degree) to the extent that we recognize its material limitations. In the degree we become aware of those; in that degree we become free of them.
      That’s really what I meant when I spoke about ‘clearing the cluttered mind’. NOT to ‘empty it’ (gosh we would then all become ‘mindless zombies’!); just to recognize how the human conscious mind has become so cluttered! That is the only antidote that can free it!
      Thanks again Hailey. It makes a refreshing change to get deeper questions and I just hope I have not over-simplified my answer, which I guess I may have done!
      For the moment,

  2. See here, Craig and I asked a sensible question, so we do hope you’ll answer. “How was it to grow up right after the war, was there much damage to your area, etc”. A splendid opportunity for you to paint vivid word pictures for your fans, methinks.

  3. Okay Cat,
    I admit I might have been ‘slightly out of order’, with my comment about your latest question/s. I’m sorry, it is a sensible question and I will answer. But its going to have to be later, I’ve simply got to get back to this ‘legal stuff’ or it’ll never get finished.
    Yes. Highgate after the war. Well, I was pretty young but I think my memory can stretch back that far as well!
    So I will answer you. If I answered Hailey before yourselves, its just because its something known as ‘ladies first’ – I’m sure even you wouldn’t argue with that!
    Till later,

  4. For Cat and Craig,
    You both asked what Highgate was like after the War’ whether it suffered much bomb damage, etc.
    No. I don’t believe it did. I was only really aware of two ‘local bomb sites, one being the talk of the neighbourhood as it was the Police Station! The other was a beautiful old house in Southwood Lane which was actually reduced to rubble. Several years later we used to scramble over the rubble which was left there for many years before a ‘modern’ town house was eventually built on the site. I guess this would have been around 1950 and we (that is myself and other kids) actually found half a skull there. Whether this belonged to a former resident who was killed in the attack, we never discovered. Although my mother told me the house was supposed to be haunted before its destruction – and she would have known!
    I saw far more bomb when my mother used to take me into London. I was too young to understand as I had been born after the War; except I saw the huge craters, maybe just surrounded by the skeleton walls of old buildings.
    I remember her saying, that this sort of thing could never happen again as it had been the ‘war to end all wars’. Well, she had not been right there, but then I sensed the relief was so strong at the time that people could not bring themselves to think that it could ever happen again!
    What else? Well I remember in those days there was a much greater sense of ‘community feeling’. If or when people went on holidays, they would just give you the keys to their homes to check them in their absence. And we did the same whenever we happened to go away.
    Things were so much quieter then. I mean, Highgate seemed like an isolated community and did not seem to be a part of busy London. You could play in the street (at least in the day) with only the odd car ever coming past. It probably helped because we were off the main road – although that street (Sheperds Hill) is fairly difficult to cross today at the best of time.
    And there were more birds and butterflies: in fact, our garden was almost swamped with these in the Summer. Well, it was full up with birds in the winter too as my mother used to feed them.
    It was far quieter then. There were only 2 TV channels – well just one actually before ITV was introduced in September 1955.
    And before either of you dare to ask how old I am again, just forget it! Neither of you will be answered!
    For now,

  5. I don’t think that I can express fully that I understand what you are saying– I have always noticed that in thought processes there are layers of different ideas, spinning in different circles and that the communication factor of everything is the strange and clunky way to try to express the entire picture. In any communication I think that a lot of assumption and intuition has to naturally occur to understand anything. Learning is never linear. The last few years have found me becoming incredibly immersed in different ideologies, trying to find the truth of whatever everything is. I am not even so clear on what absolute truth is, and even if it exists. The more I seem to learn the less I seem to know! It’s like those spiralling thoughts increase and begin to look more like a stormcloud than a jet stream (whatever that means, ha.). Different mindsets begin to jockey for position– again, that reality problem. Language, place, set, setting– all of these things pose such incredible problems when it comes to cognition. Everything is influenced by outer sources. Again– this is the way that it is, like it or not. So, to say, I understand you in the only way I can at this time.
    I deeply appreciate you answering me– and look forward to anything else you have to say.
    Into sleep!

    1. Thanks Hailey,
      I will answer you tomorrow on this, if I can. I’m not evading anything you said, but I just noticed the clock and its 4.45! (a.m. that is) so might be best to come back to what you said tomorrow.
      Just been working on a horrible ‘legal chapter’ (or legal chapters) for my next book; which I really hate having to do. Not your fault in any way, I know, but I have had to do it.
      And its still not finished!
      But I will come back to your post tomorrow. I found it really absorbing – like you’re first posts, and I will answer as best I can.
      I will try anyway. I suppose I’d better try and get some sleep myself soon. Summer is almost here, I guess, and there’s really no excuse for wasting the ‘daylight hours’!
      So, until tomorrow,

  6. Hi David– I know I have asked you before, but as I am reading about volume 11 it sounds as though no stone will be left unturned. So will you use real names. I suppose going back how many–40 years—makes it a bit safer to do so, though when I wrote about my experiences at Highroyds Hospital in the 1960’s I still used different names as I felt uneasy about naming names–many perople not emerging in the most flattering of lights—- I am sure your experience was much worse—a prison rather than an insane asylum–I was a nurse I hasten to add—you know of the recent rumpus up here over my last nursing book describing events of 2002-3—even though we used pseudonyms and composites.
    People were rushing around saying” that’s me” in situations that were hardly admirable, sensible or believable at times—-you would not have thought they would have wanted to own themselves actually!
    I take it this book will be straight to the point, no poetic licence and mamby pamby pseudonyms. Good luck–I hope you dont get the backlash we got–(my co-other and I, not the royal we, )—maybe some of those old fogeys and sadistic jailors et al are dead now
    tata barbara

  7. For Hailey
    Thanks Hailey and for your last reply.
    I didn’t attempt to answer to answer last night as I had just left some other writing stuff and I was really mentally drained. I was writing about the police and my Trial which is not exactly the most pleasant thing to have to remember. But I think as you said, it has to be done! I don’t even want to think about it while I’m writing to you as I am still influenced by thought- as I have said in the past, I am only human!
    Firstly I agree with you that learning is never linear, or if it is – which it often can be with all the ‘experts’ with all their various theories and doctrines. etc – I would honestly say it might be better not to acquire any given knowledge in the first place! Actually, that is one of the problems: too many people just accept what they are taught or told, so blindly, whether this applies to religion, politics, life, philosophy or mysticism . . . anything really.
    There is nothing wrong with learning through others. The danger is only when you might accept such teachings as ‘gospel’ and in the process ‘block’ the mind so that it is unable to progress beyond them. It is sometimes easy to allow the mind to get ‘put into a cage’, which many people do. This is not just some theory. It happens all the time. You only have to look around you. Its really what is termed ‘belief’, and there is nothing more soul-destroying than blind belief.
    Understanding is completely different; and all I was trying to say was that understanding is an essential part of the learning process.
    I gave the example of thought, because it really is the most important one. It is the thought process’s that really make up most of our lives so that is really the only ‘problem’ that needs to be resolved. But it is not an easy problem, I know, because in attempting to ‘go beyond’ thought, you have to use the thought process’s themselves.
    So to put it another way: is it perhaps a different quality of thought that needs to be acquired? And if so, how can this be obtained in the midst of so much negativity and confusion?
    You can’t ‘kill’ thought, or if you try to and succeed, you will be left with a ‘non-thinking’ human being, rather like a mindless zombie.
    So then, could there be a way to ‘step aside’ from the thought process’s and yet still be aware of them?
    I am sure that is the ‘key’. An awareness of thought without being a slave to it. Does that make sense, Hailey? because really this is the essence of everything I was saying.
    An objective awareness of thought, really sets you free from it; that is, in the degree that such awareness is developed.
    I realise that we are getting pretty deep here. But there’s really no other way in which I can answer.
    To see the thinking mind in motion, and yet to still use it, as opposed to being effectively ‘hypnotised’ by it, is really all I was trying to convey.
    That is really basically all that true mysticism involves. Everything else – different levels of consciousness, the existence of any Divine Principle – really ‘fits into place’ after that.
    I hope that clarifies it a little more for you anyway. But please remember, all this is not dependent upon what I say. I am just an infinitesimal speck in this huge universe, but still nevertheless a part of it!
    I realise that this is not the easiest thing to convey, but to put it in any other way, would just be to avoid your question!
    For the moment

  8. Craig, mate, we got the bombing bit answered but now we’re lost in the shuffle. I guess thats the way it is with a spiritual guru, so many deep cosmic questions beckoning. But wait, Barbara is at least “of David’s vintage” if not more so, perhaps she has tales of secret espionage rings and Nazi gold hidden in Yorkshire she can share…

  9. cat, best way to get a response from david, is to grow a pair of tits.
    i think the secret of the nazi’s lies in the south coast.
    did i say eastburne last time?
    of course i meant bournemouth where people go to die disgracefully.
    the nazi’s tried invading from the south so maybe thats where the treasure chest is…and i’m not talking about the iron cross around jacquelines rack.
    sean i know u read this mate so any chance u can blog something about ur nazi obsession and why u deleted that post on amazon where u under the name of veritas lamented about how it was a shame that hitler had been removed from some Wagner dvd?
    i have a copy of the amazon page in case u forgot what u wrote.
    cheers mate
    Lord Craig Byron

  10. For Barbara
    Of course I’m going to ‘name names’, Barbara, just as I did in the one that I sent you. And just as I’ve done in the one I’ve just completed. I have not named the two names in relation to the allegations made about them although I have named the person who was making them to people. I have re-produced my letter to the priest, the parents involved and the solicitor. I have also used letters and emails where relevant. Whether I send copies of the finished book is entirely at my discretation, althouggh they may well end up seeing it anyway. Lets remember, I was not the one who gave untruthful information to the priest in question (and the other one I suspect) or betrayed people to that ‘nutter’ – THEY did!
    As to the current book, it would be impossible to write it without disclosing identies. If people want to take exception to what I have written . . . well, let them!
    the one thing I have been very careful to do is just tell the Truth (with a big ‘T’!). The Truth does have a habit of upsetting some people, I know. But if they set out to manilupute and distort the truth, that is really their problem, not mine!
    For the moment’

  11. Thanks David–I remember you said you would be, I just wondered if you were going to name all those dockipoggy policemen policemen and senile judges and what not–its just that it can be a minefield, as we found out with the last book. Theres nothing wrong with writing the truth but many authors do take the precaution of erring on the side of caution, even when it is true. Good luck you are very brave.
    What is the Cat actually suggesting? There was some hoo ha over some people being put on a dickipoggy nazi site, by an idiot who shall remain nameless ,is that what you are on about, go twitch your whiskers there, I dont understand the reference to gold at all.

    1. I’ll let Cat answer the ‘gold thing’ Barbara, as I’m sort of in the dark myself.
      That judge is dead now, but even if he wasn’t I’d still name him as its a matter of public record.
      As for naming certain police officers that were involved at the time, they have all been named. The reason? They committed perjury! Itsup to them if they want to do anything about it once the book is published. Its not really a question of ‘being brave’ – its more a question of just telling the truth. And that’s all I’m relying on (which goes for the ‘pudding’ as well!
      For the moment,

  12. David, i see me questions have brought attention to you in a pretty immediate way, both on your blog and otherwise. i thank you so much for the sincere answers and have more in store. i do write this on the run, so they should come later. a detractor of yours sent me a letter today that i would be happy to forward to you. i do not know how on earth they divined to get a hold of me. you are more than welcome to email me. i have intention of turning your blog into a place of incessant spiritual conversation! until then, i look forward to hearing from you! –hailey

    1. Hi Hailey and thanks,
      I will email you privately later and then you will obviously have my email as well. Thanks for offering here to send the letter. I have lttle doubt who the person really is but no doubt they are using an alias. So I will speak to you later on that and maybe then you can tell me a little bit about yourself, because you sound like a fascinating person!
      As for here, please just ignore Craig and that Cat. They are not bad people really (I have met Craig in person here before but never that Cat!) but sometimes they tend to get carried away.
      Yes, I very much look forward to anymore questions here. I am NOT a ‘spiritual Guru’ or anything like that, but I can tell that you are sincere in what you say and would do my best to answer.
      So just until a little later Hailey.
      For the moment,

  13. THAT is just the kind of remark I might expect from you ‘Lord Craig Byron’. And I’m not talking about ‘him’ with his Nazi interests.
    YOU’RE the one that’s a womaniser! I answer all serious questions in this respect whether they are from males or females.
    Now, don’t start on Hailey, I warn you! She’s only just joined here and we happen to be having a deep conversation.
    Hailey, just ignore him if you read his quip! I get this all the time.
    And then they wonder why I don’t answer sometimes!
    Isn’t it about time you went to the pub Craig?!

  14. Hmm….Eastburne….Bournemouth….ta Craig, you gave me an idea. Tell whoever puts together that DFTVX You Tube channel show that we’re already bloody well sick of seeing his dank upstairs rooms on video, so why not go “on location” for some “colour”? Put David in the back of an open van, drive to the seaside, and have David do his webcast whilst parked across the lane from a certain Lordship’s bonky bungalow! Make sure you have 2 cameras rolling cos you never know who may emerge from the door with a cross and stake in hand. Miaow!

  15. “Put David in the back of an open van, drive to the seaside, and have David do his webcast whilst parked across the lane from a certain Lordship’s bonky bungalow!”
    i bet davids up for that.
    give him his dues, hes always up for a laugh.
    Hi Hailey.
    take no notice of me and Cat. we just like to have a laugh now and then otherwise it all gets too serious.
    i’m guessing the person who contacted u is the same one who contacted me and sent me loads of rubbish in an attempt to try and stop me from talking to david.
    he also tried to sell me his books and cd’s of ‘secret recordings’ etc.
    Lord Craig Byrone-Get-One-Free

    1. It couldn’t really be anyone else Craig, could it!? The person seems so obsessed with myself that he seems to spend his entire life either writing or posting about myself. What is so ‘funny’ about it – if anything – is that everyone knows who it really is! The individual concerned just can’t see this, but what is even funnier is that he thinks nobody else can. What a way to live your life! To be totally obsessed with somebody!
      I could almost be flattered to see how I have such an effect on some people.
      As for that proposed trip to the south coast; don’t be too sure I wouldn’t do it! An outing to the seaside: sounds rather nice – especially as its nearly summer.
      Now, you behave yourself with Hailey, Craig. And you, you moth-eaten pussy Cat! I want her to keep posting without ANYMORE of your innuendoes!

  16. Hi David–I wondered whether you would be following your vampire theme through for your next title–I suppose its still a secret. How about the Virgin and the Vampire? I love thinking of titles, Your Suspended in Dusk was really clever.So was the Shadow of the Vampire, as it had a double meaning.I like double menaings and play on words. I suppose you are going from your prison experience, then what happens, my memory is a bit vague, I suppose the HGV saga continued on as before and developed–like Angels and Demons–(sily borning book that turned out to be) maybe Vampires and Demons/Angels. I like my own title for that piece about the holy shimmering light–you’ll be including that wont you—Vampires and Visions. Oh so much hilarious stuff after the awful prison stuff,dont forget the Kirklees Vampire! Well if you are bringing in the Yorkshire Pudding saga I suppose that will automatically be in.
    I’ll send you on a link for a Yorkshire song–the foggy foggy dew, which might inspire you!Pudding in my thesaurus–plum duff,spotted dick,roly poly,sweet,jelly,custard, blanchmange,fritters,sago, tapioca,—dumpling is not the same as pudding.
    The Vampire bites back–haha.
    Oh well, better get on with some work, it seems to pile up, if it isnt the garden its the dusty house–by the way–touch wood—my indisposition seems to have vanished, I hope I didnt have swine flu, as I have never felt so peculiar–still if its asthma it will return, have to go to the drs for a “peak flow” tomorrow.See what they think, it was very odd but I have been okay for two nights now, no wheezing–I hope it doesnt come back, it was awful.
    Hi Hailey,,k nice to meet you, sure David appreciates your sensible comments and questions, mine are all whimsy and waffle and tha cat and craig are very naughty boys.
    tata, spect your in the Land of Nod at this time, old bean

    1. Hi Barbara,
      I can’t tell you much about Vol. 2 Barbara as don’t want to give too much away. It deals with the Trial, then the prison expeciemces. And then on from there till present or very recent events.
      The pudding will not be in Vol 2. The person is just not important enough. It is about my life so that person does not even come into it. Anyway, I have already finished that book dealing with all the deceit and betrayal. That long chapter is where it aptly belongs, at the end of the compliation of the MMM’s. I keep getting asked about that book but, as I said, it is finished although just awaiting public release. That is the only place I could really place it – the ‘two evils’ welded together in history, so to speak. But the choice was not mine!
      Anyway, that’s all the information you’re getting!
      I have emailed Hailey. Very interesting response, yet same old stuff!
      For now

  17. sorry David I got mixed up with your books and what your plans were, well if the puddin isnt in I presume neither aml I. Though it leaves me presuming, possibly wrongly that Vol 2 ends in the 1980s. Like Vol I was 1945-1970. More or less . So that 1980–2009 is in MMM editions rebound as a seperate volume–seperate stories with no particular sequence.
    Well its an interesting way of doing it, it seems like this book –voulme 2 –will be a bit like the Prison Diaries. Good luck anyhow, I am not sure if I can be bothered to write any new tomes, though the Mystery of RHG is going into a new conspiracy book.I dont mind doing articles with a definite market.
    Anyway I’ll leave you to get on with your work, tata
    tata barbara

    1. Hi Barbara
      You ARE in it – if you remember I sent you the draught which mentioned you (and her)! I also named you as President of the Yorkshire Robin Hood Society. It mainly concerned your emails and other correspondence with the (genuine) Old Catholic Church. I know you got it because you thanked me for mentioning the YRHS.
      Vol 1 went from 0 to 1974/5 (a time when some people wern’t even born!).
      Vol 2 goes from 75 to present but without any puddings mentioned or alluded to.
      MMM is the one with a very long chapter at the end which deals with ‘Yorkshire puddings’ and the ultimate betrayal. That is finoto!
      Hope that clarifies it,
      For now

  18. thats what I meant David—I am in with the pudding but its in the MMM MS? Sorry to get it all in a muddle–extrem old age and decay setting in!
    tata barbara

    1. Yes Barbara
      The references to yourself are more or less as you got them (few grammer changes, etc). You did say that was how it happened, if you remember. I think I’ve been pretty fair (and to ‘her’ considering!). (And considering that she complained to the bishop about yourself as well!). Not so much with you, but I’ve used peoples’ own words as opposed to giving personal opinions as it gives people a more accurate idea of the truth (just as she used to do all the time to other people).
      I will be mentioning the Robin Hood eposide, but that’s some way off in the future. With regard to the Blessing at the grave, I may just say something like . . . “One of the participants claimed to have personal permission, but then apparently changed their mind and claimed everybody was ‘trespassing'” Might also mention that they suddenly changed their mind again about the ‘ghost’ and stated that there really was a ‘vampire’ there! Well, that’s exactly what the person later repeated. Mental unstabality I call it!
      Anyway, hope that clarifies the books for you.
      Must get on. Got two people comong over tonight and the place is in a mess!
      For now,

  19. hi David,sorry for delay in sending copies of photos we took the other night but got problem with the usb cable that connects camera but hope to get new one tomorrow.Really enjoyed the other night with you and Gareth but wont say more on here as will only encourage emails from that NOball cat and Cockey Craig!!!
    have got you some more fags but will ring you tomorrow night for a chat.until then take care

    1. Hi Speedqueen,
      Please don’t worry, I’m always getting computer problems! It not easy with 4 computers!
      Can’t wait to see the photographs. But yes, best not to mention them on here or Cat and Craig might get the usual wrong ideas! Doesn’t take much to start their imaginations working.
      So yes, please phone tomorrow, and speak to you then.
      For now,

  20. Its not easy to be a wolfman, David! Why do you have 4 computers if its not a silly question. I know like me, being a dodderly demented OAP we find it hard to understand this modern stuff……….but I manage with one! Surely all your four can find each other by a super hacker, not that I am thinking of U-G-POP as a superhacker of course, as he is in the same boat also, being born when we were making him similarly dodderly and demented—-unless he can pay someone very brainy and clever !
    Today I had to go to the drs for a test, they think I have asthma, well I hope it is as thats the best of a bad bunch! No wonder my brain wasnt getting the oxygen–my test readings were pretty dire! I think its doing up that house that did it, all the dust, possibly combined with the invasion of the dust mites in my bedroom from the 100 years old pillows! But nowt to do with shaving brushes before I hear C and C sniggering and giggling and getting all excited!
    Well the carpet man came today and shampooed the carpets, you should have seen the filth and to be honest my house looks all clean and lovely, it isnt a midden, but the dust does creep up on you unseen even if you dont accumulate a mess of clutter and ornaments from building up around you, which in my house is defintely not the case, whatever any persons might say to the contrary!
    Well I have a Robin Hood exhibition/talk on Saturday, as usual I will mention the London connections, my theme is ROBBING THE POOR TO GIVE TO THE RICH. In these terrible times of the credit cruch our area could be saved from disaster by opening up RHG and KPG as tourist attractions which would bring in revenue from all over the world. So WHY is Robin Hoods Grave still in the closet.
    I suppose thats got a bit mixed up with gay stuff but as there are certain people in a certain place of a certain orientation making certain dickipoggy thingamijigs for certain dickiupoggy people to use in certain dickipoggy situation so that they dont catch AIDS, and the clue to it all is Kirklees Estate–and I will send anyone who contacts me the press release which was in the Brighouse Echo so we have no fear of legal action——
    well they may as well be flogging Robin Hood condoms! I am sure that has endless possiblities to an imaginative and ambitious person!
    In fact why dont we do it—vampire and Highgate erms………….!!!
    tata wheez wheez barbara

  21. I have some more ideas for David’s live podcast from the seaside bungalow-adjacent locale. Speedqueen wearing a bikini (provided she is actually not a man) should be David’s co-host. Barbara should be on as a guest, but with all her Kirklees/Robin Hood promotion edited out, so she actually only appears for 5 seconds saying the word “dickipoggy” in a thick North Country accent.
    Miaow and ta ta.

  22. Actually Cat, I am not just saying this (it really is true) Speedqueen suggested knocking on the person’s door and giving his the MMM book for his birthday on July 15. There were other people here as well who really thought this was a good idea and offered to drive us down there.
    I think it would make a really good present – especially with that chapter at the back “Pact with the Devil”!
    Might go actually. Could do with a day by the sea.

  23. “but with all her Kirklees/Robin Hood promotion edited out, so she actually only appears for 5 seconds”
    he’s got you bang to right there barbara.
    maybe David could do a door to door interview starting with oohh i dunno southern road?

  24. “Dickipoggy” should be entered into the dictionary. I love the word.
    Cat & Craig – During the LIVE COMMENTARY in the background, perhaps a gang of harassed bloggers are filmed snatching a teapot cozy.

    1. Hi again Florence,
      Now, I REALLY like that idea. That would be the trophy I’m really after! Can you imagine it! The famed teapot cosy supported only by an aged Crook and a bald head beneath it! The antique relic could be exhibited all over the world and, with a bit of financial backing, could cause a sensation!
      We could maybe even sell it to the Cairo museum so future generations could admire some myths of the 20th century – and 21st century come to that. Yes, a truly brilliant suggestion!
      Hey Florence, don’t wish to ‘nag’ you. but are you still going to review my latest book!? I would post it as a main Blog, as I said. But only after you’ve read it.
      Nice to see you here again anyway.
      For now

  25. …Craig, brilliant…perhaps call it “Carry On Farrant”….the noted London witch embarks upon a whirlwind road journey/podcast, traveling hither and yon to deliver his LIVE COMMENTARY from far flung locales.
    Episode 1 – Pudding tasting on the Yorkshire moors
    Episode 2 – Seaside at a bonky bungalow
    Episode 3 – Pub crawling in Scunthorpe

  26. -*cue Benny Hill music as the residents of southern road chase david up and down the road with the obligatory sarah whacking her baps out in front of the camera wearing that old nazi iron cross.
    sean, i know ur reading this. what do u say?
    u up for it?
    you can chase david with the stake if u like.
    we need a new animation of those 2!
    Lord Craig Byron-von-Dyson

    1. For Craig,
      No, he can’t chase me with any ‘vampire stake’, ‘if he likes’! He’s tried that before but it just didn’t work on film – probably because he took the pictures!
      But yes, Seanie, are you up for a ‘Benny Hill vampire-chase’ in the street? Now THAT would make good filming. Especially if people accidently ran over the cliff! And being film-extras, we wouldn’t then even have to pay ’em!
      Just thinking of the film expenses!
      For now,

  27. Hi David,
    Sorry to have wandered off and not done the review. There has been some illness with family members that has taken up my time, as well as a suddenly busy season with work. However, I did read the book and throughly enjoyed it. I’ll send you an abbreviated review this weekend. I should be home for once!

  28. Thanks Florence again,
    No need to explain. I just sometimes forget that other people have problems of their own as well.
    Not complaining, because with people like Cat and Craig, they always seem to enliven any boredom.
    I mean, can you imagine, that treasured tea-pot cosy actually a ‘captured relic’?! Now I really do find that funny!
    Thanks for that!

  29. Yes Florence, you better get on to his review. I did one but he didn’t like it. Of course I didn’t read the book, but that didn’t stop me.
    If the Farrant video caravan is traveling to southern road on July 15 I am going to notify the press so at least The Sun will have some decent still photographs.
    I fear the Benny Hill chase will end in a huge scrum with Barbara, Speedqueen, David, Bonky and Sarah scratching and biting and the priceless purple biretta damaged and dirtied.

  30. If I had that purple tea cozy, I’d post pictures of it in various locations like a stolen garden gnome. Can’t you see it:
    Biretta on Bikini Beach
    Biretta on the New Orleans Vampire Tour
    Biretta in the gutter of Bourbon Street with Mardi Gras beads
    Biretta used as tea cozy in my house
    Biretta being eaten by the Hoover
    Biretta falling into a wood chipper
    Biretta torched on YouTube

  31. Or how’s this Flo
    Tea pot cosy, whither not,
    I wear thee into the night
    Remember my Cosy chosen,
    Thou art mine by Divine Right.
    Heed not their platitudes,
    Oh Cosy most Divine
    Thou alone shalt be my open head dress.
    Not theirs, but mine.
    Stay with me
    I beseech thee,
    Thou false illuminated thing,
    Until the day when
    Thou can truly demonstrate
    The riches Thou cans’t bring
    Not so good at poetry. But what do you think?!

    1. Gosh! That really is ‘im’, Craig. The short legs (well apparentlyno legs at all now!), the demonic-looking face and that ridiculous-looking hat. All that’s missing is a toadstool for the monstrosity to stand (sorry ‘sit’) on!

  32. Great poem David! Yeah, Craig, that’s the one! BTW-I love the word “baps.” Did you ever notice someone can insult his wife and he doesn’t say a word, yet will go ballistic if someone forgets to call him “excellency.”
    Ok, here is my very abbreviated review:
    Loved the vivid writing style. The parts about childhood and roaming around Europe were excellent reading. You’re a great story teller David. The majority of the book held my interest. I also enjoyed reading an account of THV that did not involve giant spiders, weighted down with the most turgid prose in the western world. My only criticism is about the naughty bits. After reading the first encounter, I found myself skimming over the rest. All in all though, I give the book 4 stars, a good read .

  33. well theres not much he can say about his wife.
    she was a prostitute and a satanist as he reveals inhis little stapled pamphlet (u like that dont u sean?)
    she was pissed on a bible.
    a whore of venus or something like that?
    so never mind him calling otyhers anti-christian for slagging him off, the truth is, old girl sarah is anti-christian herself.
    by the way has anyone else noticed how his little msn/multiply groups hace suddenly gone quiet and not a peep from his thousands of devoted followers?
    Craig Byron

    1. The person said on a Central ITV television (in 2000 I believe) that she had been ‘forced into prostitution’ at the hands ‘of the Satanists’. I have a video of the programme and was not just imagining it!

  34. forced into whoring?
    yeah cos nobody wants to admit they did it cos it was easy and for the money.
    either way, she was a prostitute. end of.

    1. I know I’ve said this before, Craig (and I don’t really want to go into this again here) but personally, I have nothing against prostitutes. I really believe, that if it was made legal (which it might as well be because you can never stop it) there wouldn’t be so many assaults and/or violence against young women. So I’m not ‘knocking’ anybody for that. I am against people trying to exploit prostitition though, to either sensationalise books or to make money. That to me just reeks of hyporcrisy. But it is not the prostitute’s fault.

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1946 - 2019




From the vaults ...

A flashback to one of David’s comedic, profound or quizzical blog entries. Dive into the archives to find more gems. 

Birthday Boy

You know birthdays mean little or nothing to me; in fact it would not be the first time I’ve forgotten my own (in later years