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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

Anyone For A Laugh?

Anyone for a laugh?! Well I see somebody calling themselves “Lone Stranger” (no clues there about which sex) has opened a brand new Blog all about the Highgate case – and myself, of course!

It really is a laugh a minute, and I see my old friend the Overseer is on there trying to unravel the Highgate ‘vampire’ mystery (at least, what he sees as a ‘mystery’) and the parts various people played in the saga. The Blog is called (perhaps appropriately) NET CURTAINS LURKERS..

Personally, I don’t see that there was any mystery at all about that old case, it was quite straightforward: a ‘ghost’ had been reported in the late 1960s/1970s by many local people in and around London’s Highgate Cemetery (and in fact, it is still being reported in the present time). The only ‘mystery’ – if any – is exactly what this apparition was, or is. But the “Overseer” seems to think that this might be a ‘real-life vampire’, or more precisely, he is trying to follow up claims made by others that this might have been the case.

Well, sorry ‘Overseer’, you’ll have to rule me out of this one, because I never said the ghost reported at HC was a vampire. In fact I was very careful to avoid using that term when talking to the TV or Press. I have never accepted the existence of ‘blood-sucking vampires’ and it was not myself who went on the television twice then advising people how to ‘stake’ them! That was another person. Sorry! So they’re still arguing on this new Blog about ‘vampires’ and what these might be, and my own genuine involvement at the centre of this case. If people want to argue that Christopher Lee-type vampires really exist, well let them all get on with it I say!

I have got better things to do than to encourage such childish propaganda. I am working on my new book for one thing. And trying to relax with a quiet glass of wine for another.

I do not normally encourage links on here as people will know (as you can never be sure where these can lead). But if anyone’s interested in having a laugh, just type the title (above) into Google and it should get you there. Anyway, have fun!

For the moment,


21 Responses

    1. I have put up a short response (2 actually) on your new Blog, Cat. If for no other reason than to show my appreciation of you’re moving away from here!
      It almost seems too good to be true!

  1. Yes, thank you, but I’ll not be leaving you in peace here. Yet these “blogs” can be a very entertaining pastime, can they not? I strongly suggest people make copies of artwork, quotes, or entries they find amusing. I predict Bonky will “go bonkers” making false copyright claims and shortly have the sites shut down.

    1. Yes he’s very predictable Cat. (And thanks for not ‘leaving me in peace here’ by the way. Really what I expected!).
      But . . . regarding those two new blogs, I really don’t know who has started them. I can only assume that, like so many othe Blogs, people are beginning to ‘see through’ all the malicious propaganda that ‘bonky’ (and the Yorkshore Pudding’ come to that) have been spreading around.
      So I say good luck to them, whoever they are!
      Whatever else, you just can’t stiffle the Truth. It will always re-surface again in the future!
      Lies always have a way of exposing themselves. And it doesn’t necessarily need people to do it! The Yorkshire Pudding has already proved this by the false claims she has been circulating. People just pick up on things which are blatantly untrue. That’s just how these things work. Its the same with the one who is clearly ‘bonkers’ – quite literally that is!

  2. David,
    The “quotes” about Your naughty bits and Her water bottle are not from ME. They are supposed to represent accusations flung by both parties (i.e. YOU and HER) against each other. Must I teach you how to read satire?
    And for some reason I cannot post comments to any blogspot blog.
    For the moment.

  3. To Bonky:
    The rotten Appple (By Alex Archibald Berger)
    You really are like some old rotten apple,
    Bloated, poisonous, worm-ridden and bitter.
    A thin veneer of decency fools the eye,
    giving way to the malodourous slime of decay.
    Waddling around in a cassock,
    talking out of your tea cosy.
    Even your pips have shrivelled up and died.
    You sir be a brown, crinkley, putrid old apple.
    The soft decomposing core,
    The sweet stench of mist and mould.
    Skin retracting on a puckered sphere of fruity slime,
    Festering in the damp Autumn grass.
    Blown down off a high bow,
    A bruising landing allowing in the mildew and slugs.
    Not even the birds will peck at your bulbous, wilting moistness,
    You’re just a brown, crinkley, putrid old apple.
    Taken from my “Rotting Fruits” anthology.

  4. “But . . . regarding those two new blogs, I really don’t know who has started them.”
    …are u on the spirits again farrant?!!!
    you know the one called “John baldry’s cat”?…welll…it wasn’t started by Caffy Fugly was it?
    you lot do realise that if u open up enough blogs, seanie will never get any rest as he’ll constantly be flicking from one to other just to see whats been said and for him to refute…under whichever new name he comes up with.
    shame about old dennis and katrina hey?
    dennis was exposed as a bullshit front and katrina vanished along with his “thousands of supporters” on his little kiddie msn groups.
    must be lonely.
    Craig de-la-Byron

    1. FOR CRAIG
      I certainly recognise Cat’s one you twitt! I’m just not sure yet who started the first one.

  5. Dear Daivd
    I had a look at the NET CURTAINS LURKERS blog. The ravings of a certain individual are really quite remarkable. Why does he persist? People know the identity of the person behind the aliases; he must believe that everyone is a halfwit. Well I suppose it will serve as a warning to the kids out there, don’t read too much Montague Summers (another ersatz Bishop). If your destiny is to be an Ice-cream man, be happy with your lot.
    Regards Matt

    1. Thanks Matt,
      I don’t think the person will ever give up though. He just seems to have a ‘blind spot’ into not realising people know it is really him.
      What away to live really! I mean, projecting yourself into other ‘entities’ that don’t really exist at all!
      But most people have realised now who the real mouth-piece is. The Pudding certainly knows it, which makes her almost as bad as he is for inviting him to post on her Facebook site. I think even the Priest realises it – or he will do soon.
      Thanks Matt,
      For now,

  6. I have put up the true version of the RC church rubbish about me on the thread before, just for the record as I have been accused of being unlawful etc by Bonky–via a million so called “go-betweens” of course while the source of the calmumny comes from–well one source only! Twisted into a Bonky pleasant formal as the promise box saga was, in other words a pack of lies. As I have said, the priest knew all about “it” so there is no question of my being ” invalid “–I have never heard of such a thing, anyway if anyone is “invalid” its aint me mate, its ‘im and ‘er!

    1. I need to edit your post a little Barbara, but have to do so later today. So (and to use your most unfavourite expression) . . . just bear with me! It will be done. But not this morning. Speedqueen and Gareth visited last night, and I’m still getting over that!
      Good night, but I’m just a little tired now!
      For the moment,

      1. Barbara, I’ve given it some thought but I think your article “Vampires and Visions” would be much more suitable on Cat’s Blog. He’s also got an illuistration to go with it as well remember!
        So why not just send it there with permission to use? The mangy creature loves a bit of scandal!
        For now,

  7. Hi David–I can’t send it as it is too many words and also I ca’t figure out how to upload photos, as you know I have some rathr amusing pictures of Roy Barclays……….
    well if Cat wants to get in touch he can,its his blog. I imagine he will do the Diana naughty dream also, complete with pictures!
    tata barbara

  8. Barabara (or any one) feel free to send me any artwork at [email protected]
    I have also been in touch with Cecil Dwiggins who promises to contribute a few of his masterworks to the blog as well.

  9. Will do cat–though I am not too pleased with your naughty article about me, still as they say if you cant take it dont give it–it rather funny, if untrue, and you know I hate Babs! But I forgive you, and unlike the dreaded duo, I can take it, though have to correct a few misconceptions, though its all rather inconsquental!I’ll send some stuff today, though have loads to do besides, housework–yikes–to clear this satanic cat-ridden, dust mite–dead rat–ridden–shaving brush shrine up—
    tata barbara

  10. Just to say, I liked the penulitimate post on your Blog, Cat, “Gareth by Torchlight”. Showed Gareth on Friday and I’ve never heard him laugh so much.
    The one just before that was good too “Puddings and Peacocks”. Cheek, referring to me as a “Peacock”!
    The pudding will go mad when she sees that picture. I don’t know where you got it, but don’t worry, the copyright is strictly Dav Milners’s and you have our permission.
    Well just waiting for the next one now!

  11. Thank you for your comment regarding the “Tabloid Titillations” entry and I do encourage some thought about who would be best spokespersons in a “debate”.
    The blogosphere appears to have “gone mad” on the subject of Bonky lately!

    1. Just so long as you’re new Blog doesn’t get as popular as mine,Cat!
      Yes I have noticed the esclation of interest in the bonky idiot now that the question of ‘off-spring’ has come into it!
      It seems to be a question of . . . ‘who had who’ and ‘when and where’!?!
      What is especially funny is that I have virtually no problem with answering that (not that its in anyway way relevant) but he can’t – or won’t – answer. You know why, don’t you. Because he knows its TRUE! and neither he nor she like the truth! Her least of all because she knows she’s not supposed to lie now; now that she’s joined the Church.
      But it seems she just can’t help it. Part of her real nature, I suppose!

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1946 - 2019




From the vaults ...

A flashback to one of David’s comedic, profound or quizzical blog entries. Dive into the archives to find more gems. 

Dr Jane Monson with David Farrant at the Muswell Hill Bookshop

I Did Promise!

I did promise to post a picture of Jane’s interview with myself about the release of my new autobiography last April, but somehow, have only