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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

What Really Went On?!

Another Blog is due . . . I think! Well, it is in terms of dates I know.

But do you know, it really is difficult to keep a diary of events sometimes – especially when you might be working on other things that take up a lot of time: which I have been doing. So, I guess the best thing would be to summarise entries and replies and bring these up to date; tie them all together so to speak. In other words, to give you all a ‘news update’ and remind you of recent things that still might be relevant. So here goes . . .

Well, news wise, I am to give another interview of Nocturnal Frequency Radio on Sunday, May 31 between 11am and 1am (American time) – 4 am our time if you happen to be listening or calling from England. Some of you may think that’s a most ‘ungodly’ hour – and I guess it is! But just think of poor me doing it before you snuggle down between the sheets to become immersed in ‘dream-land’! I have to be wide awake; and if I can do it . . . well I’m sure some of you can as well! Not that a lot of you will, I should hasten to add: but I suppose in this case, you can always down-load the programme afterwards!

The reason for my return? Well many people were not happy with the audio quality saying they couldn’t hear me properly! Nobodies fault, just blame the Internet and modern computers. Anyway, I shall be returning to clarify any points some people may have missed, and you can even ask me questions during the show if you want.

What else is new? Well, we heard from Hailey and learned how a certain person has been ‘bombarding’ all and sundry with his own fabricated version of events. Hailey just notified me about this and was good enough to qualify it in a posts (or posts) here. Thank you again Hailey.

On a lighter note, stories have been flying around (or maybe more precisely ‘speculation’ about what Gareth was doing on a ‘pleasure cruise’ party on the Thames not so long back! I think this is really funny, but I’m ‘holding back’ till Friday when I will let Gareth tell interested people all about it! (Providing he keeps to within certain limitations!). This is really old news now, I know, but as the ‘Yorkshire pudding’ re-introduced this ‘scandal’, it will be answered accordingly. (But not by me!). Yet so many people keep asking … ‘What really went on, on the boat’?!

Well apart from that, there’s not much recent news. I’m not going to bore you all again with stories of my late night writing, although it is really true. Night so often blends into daytime with me, and then, before I know it, its evening again and I’ve missed a large part of the day. (And ‘no’, as I said before, I not a bloody vampire. Sorry to disappoint the pudding, no doubt! and dissipate more of the fiction).

Thank you for reminding me about that proposed book, Barbara. Quite honestly I had almost forgotten about it until I remembered that it (or its imminent proposal) had been circulated widely on the Internet, which brought it back to memory. What a laugh really! Me as the star of a book playing the villain with the one who is truly ‘bonkers’ being asked for his prior approval. The mind truly boggles, and boggles even more after that!

For now everyone,


28 Responses

  1. -“‘What really went on, on the boat’?!”
    A randy old pagan named Medway
    Spent some time snogging tarts on the waterway
    When they asked him for money
    He’d say “Listen honey…
    Keep going, you’re making some headway”
    This Gareth they say was a slick ‘un
    Had a dozen birds ripe for the pickin’
    He’d chase ’em around
    With his trousers pulled down
    Calling out “Whatsa matter, you chicken?”
    On the moors The Puddin’ walked in a daze
    How she’d bark at the moon and the haze!
    Muswell Hill wasn’t concerned
    For by now they had learned
    Once a month she would go through this phase.

    1. I think I’ll just stick to writing Cat. Poetry was never one of my gifted points! but luckily Gareth is a friend of mine and at least I know he has got a sense of humour! I don’t know what happened on the Boat Cruise, but I’m sure it wasn’t anything like that!

  2. David, some days you must feel more like a newpaper editor than an occult holy man. Your post includes an inspired blend of subjects – a bit of vampire lore, personal schedule, some naughty bits, a bonky joke, a spiritual platitude – etc.
    PS: I sometimes wonder why Bonky keeps quoting you as saying “I believe in nothing”? What’s so significant about that?

    1. Yes Cat I’ve heard that time and time again.
      If he means that I don’t believe in ‘blood-sucking vampires’, then for once he’s got something right!
      And its YOU that keeps labelling me as some sort of ‘Holy man’! Surly you can believe in God (and I know you don’t) without being ‘holy’!? At least, I can!

    2. Talking of books, Barbara, that reminds me . . .
      My friend Rehan asked me on Facebook for a copy of your Robin Hood book. He said he would send you the money. I am just waiting for confirmation that I can give you his address then you could send it directly. Sure he means the “Secrets of the Grave” one.
      Will email you his address soon.

  3. Well you DID have a fondness for cheescloth shirts which are virtually the official uniform of holy men everywhere.
    But on to Bonky and his publicising the quote of you saying “I don’t really believe in anything”. I had to actually look up the post in context. I found it was on the Randi forum. You were answering someone who asked if you believe in voodoo dolls. Your reply was a long rambling explanation of belief being diferent from knowing or seeing with one’s own eyes, etc.
    I can’t understand Bonky having to work so hard to take something out of context and force fit it to his needs. There are dozens of other perfectly good Farrant quotes he could use to portray you as a naughty witch!

    1. Oh! he sure works hard alright, Cat. In fact, spends most of his life at it. If he’s not misquoting me directly; then he misquotes newspaper or magazine quotes about me.
      I don’t have the exact quote before me, but a classic example must be the time he was quoting (rather partially quoting) from an article I wrote in 1975 for a witchcraft magazine. He was going on about sacrifice and was trying to attribute this to myself. To ‘back this up’, he used the following quote:
      [Its okay I’ve got the magazine now so I can quote precisely]:
      (Bonky): “Accordingly, at precisely 11. 45 pm I drew blood”.
      (Actual quote from mag.) “Accordingly, at precisely 11. 45 pm I drew blood from the High Priestess by lightly pricking her breast. This blood was then sprinkled into the chalice of Holy Water as a symbolic offerring to a Deity.”
      He does this all the time Cat. If articles don’t suit his malicious propaganda, he takes sentences out of context or just leaves pieces out completely.
      And by lending her support to this kind of unChristian behaviour or just blindly repeating it, the pudding is really not that much better!

  4. See? That’s exactly what I was talking about. There you are, admittedly poking some girl’s baps with a dagger, dressed in all manner of pagan getup, rock and roll music playing , and what does Bonky do? He edits it falsely to make it sound as if you were having yourself a bit of animal sacrifice.
    And the Pudding: she should dye her hair bleach blonde, put on some tight clothing, and go clubbing in Brixton where she could easily find an older man to fulfill her needs. Instead she generates 1000 new blogs a month.
    Anyway, all things being equal, I blame Craig.

    1. All I can say to that Cat, you’re lucky you’re up there in ‘Cat heaven’ where nobody can reach you!
      First you upset Speedqueen and she wants to ‘scratch your eyes out’!; then you write rude poems about Gareth (I really don’t know his reaction as he hasn’t even seen that yet!), and now you’re employing that the Yorkshire Puddin’ is a hoare!
      Well, I offer no opinion either way about the latter! but I can tell you that you would have been added to her list of perceived enemies then anything could happen! Its alright for you remaining incognito, but just remember everybody knows where I am!
      So who else get’s blamed for it? Just little ‘ol me, that’s who!
      Behave yourself you feline monstrosrty!

  5. “Anyway, all things being equal, I blame Craig.”
    nopt my fault that u secretly love caffy fugly and want even fuglier babies with her.
    projecting ur desire for wanting her to blonde herself up and put on tight clothing?
    she’d look like a burning match if she did.
    …i feel a photoshop session coming on.
    Lord Craig Of Smeg

  6. i am going to complain to adobe photoshop in strong terms that it is disgusting that a picture can be photoshopped with minimum of ease by a person who has consumed 2 bottles of budweiser.
    (Link deleted Craig, sorry)
    …fuggles has a face like a pickaxe.

    1. You at it again Craig?!? And what’s all this about TWO bottles? More like 22!
      As for ‘blaming Cat’ you two always blame each other. Personally I blame BOTH of you sometimes. Look I don’t mind people having fun here, or anywhere. But as I explained to Cat, its always me that ends up getting blamed for it – either behind the scenes, or in front of them.
      Take that famous comic book, for example. I didn’t start it. Good Lord, I came in for as much ridicule as the other two for God’s sake. I didn’t do a thing – make one complaint – but I ended up being held responsible for the original content . . . even though it was published in Los Anglers by people I didn’t even know!
      Look, this isn’t “Monty Python’s Flying Circus”! Gratham Chapman may well have appreciated your sense of humour Craig – even Cat’s – but do lets stick to serious issues.
      I’ve got a radio interview on Monday, then another Talk next week. I just don’t have time to answer any further emails about irrelevant things.

      1. I’m sorry Craig, while I think that that picture is really funny (well a classic actually) I have had to delete the link for potential complaints about copyright infringement. I realise that the copyright is from the “Rocky Horror Show” and they probably wouldn’t mind, but technically you still did not have permission to use it here.
        I just cannot allow potential violations of copyright material, notwithstanding how funny it may appear. (A skimpily dressed waitress fondling a ‘clergyman’ dressed in suspenders is what I’m referring to).
        So sorry. I don’t like having to delete reader’s posts (in this case a link) but I have at least given you my reasons for having to do so.
        I hope K never saw it. She’d really kill you!

  7. i demand the reinstatement of my link that shows bishop pimp and his biatch’s.
    …fair enough. i didn’t think itd last long.
    Lord Craig of Byronland

  8. Someone should do a blog called “Bonkers Watch.” Then Cat and Craig let loose with the Photoshop Links to Bonky’s latest train wreck can be published for all and sundry to view.

    1. That’s a good idea Florence! I’d certainly join in. Any volunteers? Or anybody got any idea’s who might do it?
      For now,

  9. well florence, seeing as u suggested it….u should create it and give me and cat full posting or author/admin rights!
    have to make sure it’s on a non-brit based server.
    maybe set up a proxy and run it on blogspot…home of seans latest load of obsessional “farrant is a nobody so i am going to dedicate yet another blog to him” stuff.
    the rocky horror picture sean?
    the seany highgate picture show?
    Lord Craig of Budweiser

  10. Perhaps “Skin Tight Breeks.” Both Blogger and Word Press recognize him as a public figure, so he comes under the same policy as Obama, Stephen King, Dick Chaney and David Letterman – dissent, parody and opinion may be rendered.
    I’ll think about it…I don’t have time to look after it, mind you. It would be nice to see links to his current hissy fits posted so all may read like was done on Don Ecker’s forum.
    HRH Flossie
    Queen of Tuckahoe

  11. you create it.
    we moderate it.
    Cat help me out here mate.
    Lord Craig Byron de Budweiser
    4th Earl of Dysentery

    1. God help us all! with you two running amok, that’s all I can say!
      Seriously, I could not be of much help technically (not knowing the first thing about computers) but I would certainly post on it. If for no other reason than to allow the ‘peaceful existence’ of my Blog here!
      Its quite a nice thought really . . . ‘peace from Craig and Cat’. Almost seems too good to be true!

  12. – “Cat help me out here mate.”
    Sorry to disagree with Flo, Blogger and Word Press or any of the free blogs will knuckle under to pressure. Unless it is a paid domain (such as David has), Lord Tightbreeks will have any such “Bonky Bulletin Board” down within a day.

  13. pity..
    i was gonna knock up a picture of s. *** ****** ****** ** * ***** on clapham common.
    we all know the crossing dressing nazi likes teh man sechs.
    [Craig, please behave yourself. I have had to edit your post because I just will not allow that sort of language or innuendo here – WHOEVER it may concern]
    Lord Craig of Sodhall
    51st Earl of Southernroad

  14. it was cat’s fault.
    he told me to post it and said it wasnt fair that hes the only one who gets into trouble.
    i hope ur happy with urself cat.

  15. cat started it.
    david got ultra sensitive even though i didn’t even swear!!!
    as for innuendo…this place is full of it!!!
    i used the word “bummed”.
    fit that into clapham commonif you will.
    actually it reads nice and smutty with the CENSORSHIP!!!
    Lord Craig of Byron
    28th Earl of Golders Green

    1. I don’t know who’s worse sometimes Cat!
      You should have seen that post I had to delete yesterday (well edit) about a ‘certain individual’ in the ‘church’ doing ‘certain things’ on Clapam Common at night. And we wern’t spared the details!
      Good Lord! Good job this Blog is moderated by somebody with good sense . . . i.e. myself!

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1946 - 2019




From the vaults ...

A flashback to one of David’s comedic, profound or quizzical blog entries. Dive into the archives to find more gems.