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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

Through Highgate Wood

Everything’s fairly quiet at the moment, which is the way I prefer it. Doing some ‘heavy’ writing and can do without any distractions or any serious ones.

I’m still in touch with people, of course, I just meant nothing else pressing to deal with.

Do you realise, we’re past the middle of May – already! Don’t want to waste the entire Summer again as I feel I did last year by writing the last book, so got 2 or 3 ‘ghost hunting’ trips planned. First one is in the middle of July to Borely (and surrounding reputedly haunted sites’), so that should be interesting. If nothing else happens (and you can never tell with these things), at least we’ll have the warmth and the light. And I might even have someone to cuddle up to when it gets dark; I mean, of course, on the way back to London. (And I don’t mean Gareth, so no lewd suggestions by you two Craig and Cat please!).

I went out briefly at lunchtime, and cut back through the Wood. Everything is so green and ‘dazzling’ now, which in itself was a form of relaxation. I know Highgate Wood so well really. I’m just surprised how many people can amble (or jog) through it without even looking around them. And they do – they really do!

I think I mentioned this before, but there is a mental hospital in the vicinity. Its not a ‘high security’ one and the patients tend to wander the area freely by day. They often walk around the Wood as well. Good luck to them, I have always thought because they are not harming anyone. But why is it, some of them always seem to come straight up to me? This is not just imagination. I have often seen several people in front of me walking their dogs or pushing push-chairs with a patient coming towards me and just passing them as if they never existed. Then when he or she reaches myself its often . . . “Can you help me please, I’m lost, or I’m late or I’m not sure where I’m going”, etc. Of course, I don’t mind that, but I just got to thinking some time ago now that maybe these people can sense (albeit not consciously) that the people they pass are otherwise engaged in worldly conversations that just don’t concern them and this stops any approach.. Its probably because I’m usually on my own, and walking slowly, and they just think there is more time. I really don’t know but it often happens, and it happened again today.

Then indoors, I switched on the word processor and prepared for some more writing. Well, I only finished that about 45 minutes ago around 3 (am that is!) so just thought I’d write this for whatever its worth!

Now, I’m still waiting for that book review Craig (sorry, not from you Cat before you’ve read it – unless you’ve since ordered it from Amazon) as you did suggest it. None of your usual ‘crudities’ though. Just try and write a sensible review! I will not edit it – except for any swear words, which knowing you would be an almost impossible condition!

Barbara, I spoke to D again tonight. He’s coming down in June but says he’ll be contacting you very shortly. So just thought I’d pass that on.
Well, guess its time I considered sleep. The clocks approaching 4 now and I am getting a little tired.

For the moment,


77 responses

  1. Hi David–just catching up. I am waiting to see what is wrong with me, it seems like asthma, but have been okay for the past week or so. I did a talk at the weekend for the Heritage weekend, and met some supportive people. No one knows what is going on at Kirklees, it is all hush hush, no doubt it will be for the benefit of a favoured few, AS BEFORE–I put out my poster, Robbing the Poor to Give to the rich–which just about sums it up. A bit like the MPS.toodlepip for now,maybe I will hear from D

  2. Hi David,
    You wrote: “And I might even have someone to cuddle up to when it gets dark; I mean, of course, on the way back to London. (And I don’t mean Gareth, so no lewd suggestions by you two Craig and Cat please!).”
    I think you’re being a trifle unfair to Cat and Craig! It was the fugly dumpling that started all that about “You and Gareth!” Then his nibs dedicated a whole page to it, which I won’t link to as you will only ban the link!!!!
    “I’ve personally seen Gareth and Farrant hugging each other and giving each other a good night kiss. I have had my doubts in the past about Farrant and now I’m beginning to seriously wonder. ” – Fugly.
    Personally, I don’t mind what you and Gareth get up to as long as it’s in the privacy of your own flat. 😉
    There’s loads more but I don’t want to upset Gareth.

    1. Hi Alex,
      You wouldn’t upset Gareth actually Alex, he’s far too broadminded for that. But the only reason I don’t want that sort of material here is because it would in effect be giving a platform to certain other people to spread this rather nasty (and certainly decidedly unChristian) sensationalism.
      Just to set the record though, I am not homosexual and neither is Gareth. But he is not against homosexuals, and neither am I. I am not against gay men (or women) and certainly not violently opposed to them (to the extent of suggesting thattheyare all ‘damned to hell’ as Bonky does), or a small handful of gullible people who might come under his evil influence.
      The remark you have quoted was made by an extremely embittered woman who was once my friend but who later came under some feminine impression that she had in some way been ‘jilted’. Hence all her references to ‘my Ex’ whenever she gets the opportunity on the Net. As I have said many times before in answer to this (and other) remarks of this kind, it is really a question of that old quotation being proved true . . . “Hell hath no fury like a woman” . . . etc, etc.
      As a matter of interest, the person (hopefully) going to Borley with us is all female, and a very attractive lady at that! We would all have to squeeze in the back of the car on the way back from Borely, which is all I meant by the possibilities of ‘getting a cuddle’. After all, its not as if I don’t know her for God’s sake!
      I don’t know Alex. If you want to discuss this sort of material, why don’t you just start a Blog called the “News of the World Spreadsheet”, or something! You could recruit pudding and Bonky and have a fantastic time. And Cat would be in his element!
      For now,

  3. No chance of me buying this one from Amazon as you have so many “volumes” and “editions” of what is basically the same old tale that it’s hard to tell one from another. However, when you DO finally get around to the book about the “betrayal” i.e. Pudding and Bonklip and particularly the last arrest, police investigation, Catholic church business, etc. I will certainly want to read it.

    1. Hi Cat,
      You certainly will get to see the new book, so will a lot of other people.
      For the sake of any ‘new’ people who might be reading this (which reminds me, where’s Hailey?) let me just clarify that the police investigation you mention, was instigated by pudding who tried her utmost (with Bonky’s help) to discredit me. It didn’t work because police examined two of my computers to look for evidence of her allegations and realised that these were completely unfounded. My computers were returned with a ‘clean bill of health’ and an apology. I was told that it was open to myself to take further action if I wanted but I said I would be putting this all down in a new book to explain the situation, and that I would be sending them a copy. (Which I still will do).
      Anyway, that investigation and the person’s devious part in this is fully discussed in the book and I do not intend to discuss it further here.
      That book will be available on Amazon too as is my latest autobiography “David Farrant: In the Shadow of the Highgate Vampire”.
      For now Cat,

  4. Hi David,
    Could you have prosecuted pudding for malicious harrassment or even wasting police time? Pudding reckons you had other “secret” computers which you hid from the police! I think she is lonely. She needs to find someone special and “move on” with her life before she becomes a poisonous, shrivelled spinster.

    1. If that’s what she’s saying Alex, she’s just trying to swear that ‘black is white’.
      My computers were NOT hidden (the only person who put that idea in her gullible head was Bonkers). but the only one’s relevant were the one’s with all our private emails on them and articles I had written about mysticism and religion (and on which I had also ridiculed ridiculous claims being made about ‘vampires’ being staked or others turning into ‘giant spiders’!) THAT was the main fondation of her frivilous complaint. All this material was examined (and obviously read) but the ‘hi tec’ department saw that none of it was true.
      Hence the return of both computers and the apology.
      The truth of the situation is that that person was just trying to get ‘revenge’ becaue she considered that she had been ‘jilted’. Well that is not true either. All that happened was that on June 12 2007 I told her that I just wanted to ‘forget the whole thing. Reason? I discovered she had re-established contact with the bonky person and had been lying about it, and making personal information public on the Internet. Its as simple as that; except that it affects other innocent people as well and I had little other choice n the circumstances.
      I still think you should start your own Blog. Then you could discuss this matter till your heart’s content!
      For now,

  5. Snuggles?
    Chukky Egg?
    Manic Depressive priest comes north and plays croquet on the lawn with Lady Armytage and two nuns, then threatens to blow up the grave etc.
    Do you remember these bits David. He came round my house and left me a bag of sweets on my bird table!!!!
    it ws all happening up here!

    1. Hi Barbara
      Well, I wasn’t there but the pudding gave me a full report anout it.
      Actually he went to my “Weird Weekend” talk in Exeter in 2005, and he seemed alright then. We had a drnk together before the Talk and just chatted about this, that and the other. No sign of anything wrong then, but then people can change can’t they? especially when religion is involved! And change isn’t always necessarily good.
      Still, I hope he’s alright again now,
      For the moment,

  6. He had certainly gon off, he was ill actually, I didnt see him but pudding did, that was where the story came from though the bird table gave me the shivers a bit, to know he had been lurking round. I think he’s okay now, the police didnt seem interested in the Robinhood bomb scare and all the rest of the tale, well, apprently our friend Mr Chief Cap doffer was involved, but do you know, I am beginning to wonder if I had been led up the garden path–the story was so bizarre–nuns, croquet–nah, I cant see milady playing croquet with him!I think I have the entire storyw ritten up somewhere,
    tata barbara

    1. You know Barbara, I’ve been thinking (although this is not new). There is a way to settle the controversy over Robin Hood’s alleged grave once and for all (and this could be one occasion when the Press might come in useful): write to the Kirklees Estate asking if they would object to an official exhumation of the woodland grave subject to permission being obtained from the relevant local Council. They could only say ‘no’, but who knows, the situation could have changed now and they might just say ‘yes’ – or at least ‘maybe’.
      As Patron of the Yorkshire Robin Hood Society now, I would certainly back you. But I think it best the initial letter/s come from yourself.
      If they said ‘no’, it would surely mean they’ve probably got something to hide by being ‘influenced’ not to change the origin of the legend from Nottingham.
      It would be interesting to see what they say anyway.
      Just a thought,

  7. “I think she is lonely.”
    nah mate. shes got Jesus Christ her lord and saviour who died for her sins.
    plus shes got old monks that she likes to snog at ampleforth…quite ample really.
    i wonder if she’d make moves on jesus if he were to come back or accuse him of fancying her as well?
    “She needs to find someone special and “move on” with her life before she becomes a poisonous, shrivelled spinster.”
    becomes? too late mate.
    she might have a go at internet dating but the poor sod on the recieving end should do her for stealth minging.
    David can i put up the first few lines of my new book about highgate that i have plagerised written myself?
    Lord Craig of Byron

    1. I’d like to read it first Craig; well I would read it first anyway.
      I would prefer if you just kept it to Highgate itself as I don’t really want to start answering questions about that person again – or rather the claims she keeps making. You know, a ‘Russian hug’ suddenly becomes a ‘good night kiss’. Good Lord, what mentality!!
      Okay then, let me see the extract.

  8. “she might have a go at internet dating but the poor sod on the recieving end should do her for stealth minging.”
    BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I’ll have to remember that one and work it into a conversation sometime. The bon mots I read here – “baps”, “dickipoggy,” “net curtain peepers”

  9. Hi David–maybe it would be a good idea just to flush out the plotters but seriously I dont believe it could be done. To dig on the spot where the present gravesite is would be a waste of time as it isnt the original site which was nearer the old road, you know near the spooky grove and that ancient tree. Also there would have to be loads of work done first regarding the type of soil etc—preservative properties. Also we know that the woods were outside the consecrated grounds of the nunnery, and many felons and unbaptised babies were reported to have been buried there. If there were no remains on the present gravesite–which there probably arent–the people who are trying to destroy the truth would make use of it to disprove the legend, despite there being plenty of documentary evidence to Robin is buried there. Any remains found in the surrounding area may be Robins–or may not, he is unlikely to be wearing a dog tag!
    I dont think a dig is the answer, only in so far as to stir up the Kirklees cartel and get them out of the closet. Anyway we would only get publicity stunt seekers like Tony Robinson poking his nose in and taking all the credit like he did before–though he wont be able to smarm round her ladyship like he did before to get his way.
    Maybe we should ask bonky to come and do another vampire hunt–at least he got us some attention!
    Seriously I will give it some thought though at the moment I am working on a piece about the conspiracy for a new book—that is I am doing a piece for the book on request, with the conspiracy as the theme. And I made a few contacts on Saturday at the exhibition though they might find the story a bit too much for the local history scene!
    tata for now
    off to the drs soon to see what ails me

  10. Hi Barbara,
    Didn’t this priest once push bondage gear though fugly’s letterbox?
    Looking at her ugly mug would be punishment enough for most people!

  11. Seems like I have asthma—probably from doing up the new house earlier on and all the dust. Well I have finished decorating my own house, everything is sparkling—carpets shampooed, antique pillows replaced with new ones, everything washed or replaced. It wasnt nasty cluttered tacky smelly messy mucky, it seemed okay to look at but defintely needed a spring clean.
    Now if the “Foggy Foggy Dew” comes to inspect, there will be nothing to report–save a few suspicious looking candles and dickipoggy books–no not that sort dickipoggy cat, I cant be bothered with that sort, HISTORY books bought for research purposes and of course the most dickipoggy book of all—haha had you fooled, you thought I was going to say In the Shadow of the —-no no, its called How to Lose Friends and Alienate People!
    No fooled again its called Gone with the Wind –a tender love story of a handsome young popingjay, Lord Tightbreeks Trembler who saved from the clutches of nasty hairy ***** Satanists, a sweet young maiden by name of Lady Penelope Poobear Pertboobs. After saying her from the nasty ones, he swept her off to Netcurtainland where they set up a church for the redemption of sinners and anyone who disagreed with them–in between vampire hunting, Lord Tightbreeks special vocation. Their love endured, despite the lure of another young maiden, the beauteous tempress from the Northernlands, ” Foggy Foggy Dew,” Doris for short, whose fickle philanderings on ye olde net had him all of a lather—–****see references to shaving brushes at Highgate*****
    An enduring love triangle that will continue to fascinate anyone interested on vampirelore–a tale of love and lust and blood and guts!
    well back to the housework folks!

  12. caffy fugly got sent a gag?
    thats one way to shut the hideous drone up.
    might also hide her stonehenge like teeth.
    Lord Craig of Byron

  13. No cat, wrong, Chinese whispers. The story is that the priest turned up at Pudding/Dumpling house with said gear which she threw in the bin so her family didnt see it( odd come to think) surely her mum would have empied the bin and found it? thats all I know. Apparently he arrived at 7. 30 am,k but bear in mind he was in a manic phase of his illness and we had no idea why he came north to see us. I didnt meet him at all, but suspected him of lurking round my house as he left me a bag of sweets on my bird table and a note through my letter box. I would have to look at the article I wrote for specific details, but as far as I remember he rang her up then and said he was going to blow up RH GRAVE and something about playing croquet on the lawn with Lady Armytage and two nuns—this sounds crazy but there was soem corroboration from the Chief Capp doffer of Kirklees, though the whole story was told to me–apart from the lurking round my house–by P/D Foggy Dew,
    when he went home he was binned for quite a long time, but what prompted his visit up here unexpectedly is a mystery

    1. I am unable to comment on this because I only got this story from pudding/dumpling (same thing really) and I have long stopped believing anything that she says. Like the bonkers one, she has a habit of taking innocent facts then embelishing these with lies of her own interpretation.
      Sad really, but there it is!

  14. This is what I was told, that the priest brought some s and m things with him. I forget what the things were exactly but they must have looked dickipoggy enough to be recognisable as such, p/d said to me that she threw them in the bin without her family seeing them. Well it has just occured to me that they would have been found later surely when someone emptied the bin. I have no idea what the priest expected her to do with the items.
    Thast is pretty much it, sorry to disappoint.

    1. I do know she was always pretty concerned about her parents seeing things she kept. That much is true anyway.
      I remember once she told me that her mother had read one of my books that she had obviously not concealed properly enough, “Shadows in the Night”. It had some ‘sexy bits’ in it which is what concerned her. Obviously didn’t concern her that much though as she took the book on holiday with her and used to read it on the beach. And she voted me (on line) her ‘favourite author’!
      So she’s obviously not that ‘innocent’!
      This doesn’t go any further in solving the ‘priest mystery’, I know. But I just thought I’d mention it as ‘food for thought’!
      The mystery truly deepens!

  15. – “Didn’t this priest once push bondage gear though fugly’s letterbox?”
    I heard that story, too. I believe it was on a blog connected with RH Kirklees. The Dumpling accepted some item of bondage gear (a gag?) that somebody (I did not know it was a priest!) apparently delivered to her home and was asking Barbara’s advice (perhaps on how to use it? I would have asked Gareth) on what to do.
    Lord have mercy, those North Country vicars certainly do have some naughty interests!

  16. maybe she didnt bin them?
    maybe thats why the old boys love her at ampleforth?
    nothing ever seems to be straightforward truth where shes concerned it seems.
    smuttier and smuttier!!!
    Craig Byron

  17. – “The story is that the priest turned up at Pudding/Dumpling house with said gear which she threw in the bin so her family didnt see it”
    Why did the priest feel she could use “said item”?
    How much time elapsed between receiving “said item” and the time she threw it in the bin?
    Is she familiar with the use of similar “said items”?

  18. So this manky priest didn’t just leave a ball gag at her home, he left “other” s & m “things”? My goodness. Did he expect to have a party with the Puddin’?
    By the way Barbara, I think I’ve discovered King Arthur’s tomb in my back garden. Perhaps I’ll write a book about it.
    And where’s Flossie?
    …Sir Baldrey Cat

    1. Yes Cat, Where’s Flossie? And where’s Hailey suddenly disappeared to, that’s what I want to know?
      It would be interesting to find out what the priest had in mind when he delivered those items to the Pudding. I have to say I’ve always been intrigued by the whole story. Maybe he was just looking for the receipe for some Yorkshire doughnuts with whipped cream upon them? Problem is, she can’t cook so I guess that rules that out!

  19. Oh my! Fugly, Lord Tight Breeks and s & m gear! i don’t know if I want that image in my head so close to bedtime. And what about Lady Tight Breeks- Where does she fit into this? Does she spank Lord Tight Breeks (whilst wearing his teapot cosy) in some bizarre three way with Fugly?
    Lady Flossie
    Queen of Tuckahoe

  20. Hi Flossie
    Lady Tighbreeks stays in the background, thats why he likes her, and tells him he’s wonderful and right about everything. I dont suppose living with a champion wold famous vampire hunter best selling author descendent of the famous and fully fledged bishop of his very own one and only Church of the Hideous Net curtains, she has much choice.

    1. First everyone,
      Sorry to be a bit late clearing tour comments today releasing all your comments ay 3.50 pm. But then I didn’t get to sleep till it was light so that’s why. (And ‘no’, I’m NOT a vampire!)
      Barbara you said:
      Lady Tighbreeks stays in the background, thats why he likes her, and tells him he’s wonderful and right about everything. I dont suppose living with a champion wold famous vampire hunter best selling author descendent of the famous and fully fledged bishop of his very own one and only Church of the Hideous Net curtains, she has much choice.
      Yes, but don’t let’s forget she IS directly descended by blood from King Charles 11. And he has a liniage from King Arthur; is desended by blood from King James 1 and Lord Byron, and must be called ‘your Excellency’ because his is a fully fledged ‘archbishop’!
      This is only so funny really because the person insistes that its all true!
      As for her ‘Ladyship’ . . . Well, maybe she just likes the prestige! I guess fairy stories are the next best thing to the real thing. The real thing being that such claims amount to just sheer fantasy!
      Still, it gives everyone a laugh, I suppose.

      1. For Flossie
        I don’t know if you remember Flossie, but he invited me down to the bungalow in 1997/8 to be ‘exorcised’! Whenever, he approached a local London newspaper saying I was ‘possessed by the devil’ and offered to do a full-scale exorcism to rid me of my ‘Satanic powers’! Needless to say, I didn’t go along with this publicity stunt and told the newspaper that if anybody needed ‘exorcising’ it was himself!
        On reflection, maybe I should have gone as I could have met his wife. Now THAT would have been real fun. Talk about the ‘Actress and the Bishop’; it would have been the Scrubber and the Satanist!
        Maybe next time!
        PS if anyone needs ‘spanking’ as you put it, its that Pudding!

        1. Dear Barbara (and everyone else)
          I am sorry to hear that you have not been well, and I hope you make a speedy recovery.
          As to the priest who was mentioned, he was in fact ordained within the Catholic Church, but later asked to be relieved of his vows, as he no longer felt that he could entirely agree with their philosophy. I have known a few people who have done that, and I feel it is the decent thing. (Though it is really nothing to do with this thread, a friend of my late mother had been a nun, but had ‘secularised’ with the church’s blessing, they even gave her financial assistance afterwards. She was Irish, and even whilst a nun used to visit her family from time to time. When she did so for the first time in ordinary clothes, she was amused to discover that over the dinner table they used to use large numbers of ‘four letter’ Anglo-Saxon words, which they had piously refrained from doing when they had a nun, in her outfit, at their table.)
          As to these mysterious items dropped through the Yorkshire pudding’s door, I would refrain from jumping to conclusions. A while back a lady friend of mine, who deals in second hand goods, gave me a couple of curious leather items which she said were ‘S&M’ accessories. After examining them with some bewilderment I finally realised that they were dog muzzles.
          As to this business about men hugging and kissing each other, remember that this was normal in times gone by. You may recall that in Chaucer’s ‘Pardoner’s Tale’, the Pardoner and a man he had had an argument with kissed in order to show that they had forgiven each other. “Anon they kissed and ridden forth their way”. When Admiral Nelson was dying, at the battle of Trafalgar, his last words were “Kiss me, Hardy”. In the late Victorian period this went out of fashion so much that it was made illegal, in fact the playwright Oscar Wilde was sent to prison for kissing other men.
          As a matter of fact I have never kissed David Farrant, but we usually say goodbye to each other with a hug. Once again, this is normal in some places, notably Russia: when, in about 1970, Nixon had a formal meeting with Brezhnev (the first time, owing to the Cold War, that a U.S. President and a Soviet Premier had met in twenty five years) Brezhnev gave Nixon, who left to himself would merely have shaken hands, a big hug, and I don’t think anyone suggested that the two most powerful men in the world were both homosexual. In England it is common for Pagan men to hug one another, particularly at the end of a ritual. Our regular ‘Russian bear hug’ means nothing more than friendship.
          Gareth J. Medway

  21. David–I just remembered a saying we used to have at school, which your title reminded me of—-I am not sure what it meant but I think it was a bit dickipoggy not that we understood all that implied in those days.
    To the woods—to the woods——
    I could write about my experiences in school and afterwards but it would depress me so much I might end up slitting my throat. I prefer to forget, if you ever can, it was awful but nothing drastic just that my mum and dad wanted me to be some kind of Princess Diana in the days before PD–thats probabaly why she got on my wick, all that lovely girl stuff and “trained hair” and “winning smiles “! Yikes! I was a “disappointment”—being a girl from the start, and then when I went a bit hippy-ish long hair and all that—believe me folks it was UINHEARD of for girls as well as boys to have LONG HAIR THEN you cannot imagine the fuss it caused.
    Anyway back to the woods
    hoo hoo, to the woods to the woods

  22. Hi Flossie,
    The Priest in question was not bonky. It would have been beneath the “dignity of his office” to have done such a thing!

  23. According to David, Lord Bonky dressed in frilly lace outfits and heels, or did at one time.
    PS: don’t think the gag would be a bad thing for the Puddin.
    Sir Baldry Cat
    Dumbledore Castle

  24. Thanks Gareth for your obs. It wasnt me who said anything about you and David–yest I know the priest used to be RC, Bonky said he was defrocked but that probabaly just a Bonkyism. All this kissing and winking in the aisles is of no cercern of mine.
    I dont know what the intruments of torture were as I never saw them, if they existed at all, which I am beginning to doubt, as I got no description. Sounds like a figment, now I beging to think about it!
    Or as David remined us, “To the Woods!”
    ps I am much bettter since I did the spring clean and got rid of the dust mites, or reduced them at least, though my peak flow continues very low–I am supposed to take an inhalor but havent started it yet. Maybe the oxygen isnt going to my brain as I am only working on half my lung capacity–I fear the consequences when my lungs get their full quota of oxygen! The more I try to live a healthy life the worse I get, haha
    hope you are tickertiboo.

    1. Yes Barbara,
      Well now you’ve heard it from the horse’s mouth, so to speak. No, I’m not homosexual, but if anything makes it worse, its because she really knows it. Never thought I’d see the day when somebody could turn so inwardly ugly (and let’s remember clearly that’s not all of what she was saying – albeit encouraged by ‘him’).
      On thinking about it, I tend to agree that the other business was just sheer fantasy as well, just as were her ‘romantic’ fantasies with the priests. This is why I never printed the latter (although she would have certainly deserved it!). I am well aware how such things ‘spread’ and it wouldn’t have been fair to the other two people involved.
      Doesn’t seem to stop her (and him) from continuing to spread malicious scandal about myself it would appear. But as I have said many times that can only be a matter between herself and her conscience.
      I could say ‘she has made her bed so she can just lie in it’. But this wouldn’t be technically true would it? as she never makes her bed!
      Got a lot of writing work done last night with Gareth. Doing all the legal stuff at the moment, but its not easy. In fact, I hate it! as it means going through reams of papers which, quite honestly, I’d rather forget. Good job I kept them all actually as they’re essential for getting statements and dates accurate.
      Glad your house is all ‘spring-cleaned’. You can come and do my flat next!
      For now,

  25. Hi David–well it is true I am beginning to re-examione some of the stories I was told–I tend to believe what people tell me as I tell the truth myself about stuff , though I do admit I often tell the tales in a way to expose the less flattering side of people, again by simply telling the truth about them instead of ” marming ” it or cap doffing to people who, for whatever reason and by whatevr means, imagine they are my “superior”. No one is my superior unless I am truly impressed by their integrity or way of life and decide that I can admire them. I do try to put up with people who I, I must admit, consider my “inferior” or if not that, just get on my nerves for certain reasons. I try to be charitable as far as possible as I do realise that I am far from perfect myself. But there comes a point where these folk overstep the mark and try to put you down!!!!!!! That when I strike them off my social list,
    tata barbara

  26. Well, I’m disappointed Bonky is not the priest in question. Something about his affection for dress-up and leather would make him a prime candidate for S&M.
    David, perhaps you should have taken him up on the “exorcism” invite. You would have met Lady Tightbreeks. Knowing your mesmerizing effect on women, you would have left the Church of the Net Curtains with Lady Tightbreeks on your arm, .

    1. Thanks for the compliment, Flossie, but some might argue a ‘diasterous’ effect on women (or some of them!).
      Anyway that is one woman (her ‘Ladyship’) I can well do without. Don’t get me wrong: NOT because of her past ‘profession’ (that doesn’t bother me in the least); just her close connection with ‘im’! I mean, can you image it! Waking up in the morning with someone beside you who’s actually been ‘touched’ by the bonkers one?!
      No thanks!!! But thanks for the thought, at least!

      1. You know Barbara, you could well be right about questioning some of the old stories (maybe a better word would be ‘fantasies’). I can only speak for the one’s I’ve seen myself, of course, but I dread to imagine how these have been related to other people; aside from being broadcast to the world via. the Internet.
        Do you remember the one about Dave having an affair with Patsy, for example? Or about myself having an affair with Patsy, come to that! Luckily, they both just think that is funny, but the point is that rumour was spread with serious intent.
        Or maybe the one about A from Red Monkey writing ‘secret love letters’ to her? That was really a classic; even more when the person threatened to ‘break up’ his marriage! For what? Putting a couple of kisses on some of her letters (or something like that) and it was suddenly blown out of all purportion!
        And what about the one of Dave ‘making a play for her’ after I had asked her to accompany him to the front door ’cause of my bad foot? She wouldn’t mind having an ‘affair’ with a married man, she said! Bulldust! All he gave her if anything was a friendly kiss good night!
        And what about the one when Gareth took her to the Imperial War Museum and they came back through Soho and he was supposed to have pointed out all the strip clubs to her. All he did was to point out Ronnie Scot’s Jazz Club without mentioning any strip clubs!
        Gosh! The list is really endless. But this is really a basic ‘bonkers’ ploy. Take an innocent fact as a true point of reference and then just build fantasy around it to try and make it believable! Little wonder they got on so well together! And still apparently do! Either that or she has conceded bonky the right to use all the statements she made to him concerning either myself or my friends – or both.
        So yes, I really would re-assess some of those public statements she was broadcasting on the Internet, Barbara. Most of them were only the result of a highly over-active imagination. Apart from being decidedly unChristian as well!
        For now,

  27. The stories all seemed to have a common theme of fellas making a play for her and also dickipoggy connections. I know someone else like that, though in G’s —my friends—case it is pretty harmless–at least it doesnt get on the net–but wherever this other friend of mine goes she meets up with “gorgeous hunks and fellas” giving her the glad eye and fancying her. I find it funny and take it all with a great pinch of salt.. You know something that never quite added up to me was the friendship betweeen the Foggy Foggy Dew and Chief Cap Doffer of Kirklees–you know, the other half of the condom making team–I was kept very much in the dark over that, not that I gave a damn, but could not see what was in it for him other than finding out about me, so he could report back to Milady and keep in the good books, but maybe I flatter myself, . I could not figure out why they were so palsy walsy if indeed they were,
    tata barbara

  28. David,
    It seems past due for a question now anyway, and this seems totally unrelated to anything that you wrote about, but I promised I would air some of my questions on your blog– so, here it goes:
    How do systems of control come about? This is a strange question that has been nagging me ever since you know who with the strange faked name began sending me his own counter letters: why do so many groups so vehementley oppose one another? In this, and this is a really crappy way to get a clear answer, how is it that, outside of ego, etc., truth is the most difficult thing to discern in the world? Why are personal agendas so important to people who claim to deal in metaphysics and spiritual entities, etc.? We already covered the ground of daily life and the troubles that pop up there: but how is it that men who work in ways that, in theory, should enlighten them, strive only to control and to contort?
    I think I asked this in a rather poor way– but words are strange tools, I suppose.
    On pins and needles,

  29. You have not asked me in a ‘poor way’ at all, Hailey. I know exactly what you mean, although I think I would also have had difficulty in trying to put this into words. But what you ask, like your other questions, is really a vital question. And so, rather than just letting this ‘get lost’ in all the replies, I will put your question on a main post tommorow and then answer it – if I can! I think the answer lies in the word ‘ego’ for without ‘ego’, there is really no problem.
    Anyway, I will go into this tomorrow. No doubt it will not interst some people here, but it certainly interests me which is the point!
    So, I will come back to this tomorrow rather than just ‘skimp it’ in the replies.
    Thank you for the file you attached in your email by the way.
    For the moment,

  30. – “And what about the one when Gareth took her to the Imperial War Museum and they came back through Soho and he was supposed to have pointed out all the strip clubs to her. All he did was to point out Ronnie Scot’s Jazz Club without mentioning any strip clubs!”
    The other part of the story Pudding related as I recall was that Gareth was supposedly caught on a barge trip on the Thames “in flagrante” (or whatever the phrase is for a heavy snog) with some female and S&M gear in hand.

    1. He wasn’t ‘caught’ anywhere, Cat – unless she was referring to the ‘boat trip’ party on a barge on the Thames (which he himself told her about!). I’ll let Gareth himself answer that because I wasn’t there (neither for that matter, was she). But you’ll have to wait till next Friday, when I’m sure he will answer you.
      In the meantime, why don’t you ask her about her ‘hot water bottle’ fetish? Well, I doubt that you would get an answer, but just something for you to think about!

  31. This is what you get for making people welcome in your home, driving or walking them around, showing them things and places, introducing them to your friends etc etc. Okay on the other hand, in puddings defence at the time–I am sure David will agree–she fights your cause with all her heart if you are the flavour of the month, but that can change in the blink of an eye and all of a sudden you are on the receiving end. I allow people one mistake with me, two and thats the end. I think all this latching on to older people, especially men, with some kind of celebrity status even if it is dubious bonky sort–to the innocent it can sound very impressive—- is a bit sad. Still it doesnt excuse talking a lot of peropsterous and outlandish tommyrot about people who have been kind to you in good faith. I am still not sure whether it is genuine silliness or deliberate nonsence.

    1. Well, you know, she tried that with me Barbara, but she chose to put herself on the ‘receiving end’! God alone knows why, because I had never done anything to her. But such was her state of mind (still is) so she’s the one that has to live with it. The irony is, that my relationship with God – or Divine Principle – has never changed. Only hers has!

  32. Hi Barb,
    “I allow people one mistake with me, two and thats the end.”
    Just to clarify, has the pudding had two chances already or does she still have a chance left should she change her ways? I wouldn’t be at all surprised if one day she switched back to supporting David. After all “Once an Pagan, always a Pagan” and all that!
    PS – Hope you asthma isn’t too bad.

    1. I don’t want her supporting me again, Alex. Rather have the venom – at least you know where you stand with that!

  33. I was going to post some more stuff from the “other side” but on reflection I think David is right. Wht should we give such monsterous garbage the oxygen of publicity.
    Even if Gareth was giving some woman “the once over” on a pleasure cruise that doesn’t make it a crime. Good luck to you Gareth!

  34. Hi Alex–no, two chances are the end–I think that is reasonable for anyone don’t you, though to be honest I rarely bear grudges unless it is really bad. So if you let me down twice I dont want to know you again. I am not sure if it is always the best thing to “forgive” people–though of couse as a Christian that is the idea, but if you keep on letting people get away with bad behaviour and not bearing to conseuqneces of their foolish of malicious behaviour( though I suppose simply irritating isnt counted!) but these people will then never learn that their are consequences to their naughtiness,
    tata barbara

  35. I can’t argue with that Barbara.
    Looks like the poor dumpling will just have to remain on the outside looking in.

  36. maybe she’ll end up threatening to write a book (again) that will never get published and that she cant afford to publish herself and will end up as an e-book that never sees the light of day.
    better luck writing a book called “how to get off with monks at ampleforth”

    1. You surprise me Craig! I would have expected you to jump on Gareth’s party – are you ill?!!
      Yes. The ‘famous’ book about myself that never materialised – in book-form, at least. Not sure what happened to the copy she sent to the ‘bonkers one’ for his prior approval. Only that I was the ‘star’ of it ’cause Barbara told me. (Sorry, Barbara, but you did tell me!).
      Oh! The workings of the human mind! But suppose I should be greatly honoured really!
      For now,

  37. i can’t see anything wrong with the gareth story.
    he got off with a woman?
    ooohh big evil swine. how dare he!!!
    …i mean seriously, how can caffy fugly even think it’d shock anyone?
    gap toothed moron.
    and the rocky horror bishop has less reason to comment considering the stuff sarah the streetwalker did.
    Lord Craig of Byron

  38. – “Even if Gareth was giving some woman “the once over” on a pleasure cruise that doesn’t make it a crime. Good luck to you Gareth!”
    Agree! And if the Dumpling had once modeled a ball gag for a deranged vicar behind closed doors for their mutual pleasure, who are we to criticise?

    1. Now, just trust you to pick up on that Cat! (Gareth’s ‘party’). I might have known!
      But us ‘witches’ do not break our word, and I shall be referring that to Gareth on Friday for his personal reply. I really can’t comment as I wasn’t there – and neither was the pudding! So, have to be Friday for that one.

  39. I cant remember much about the book David, I was supposed to edit it but apart from giving the benefit of my advice , for whats that worth! left it to her. Still, no turgid prose, keep it lively, paint a picture in words, humour a must, use a thesaurus to search to the right word–but not silly long ones just for the sake of it–cirumambulating hehe–thats walking to the likes of you and me!—-there was a long chapter lifted off Robin Hood which was irrelevant to the “plot” such as it was, but for the life of me I cant remember who was the villain–Bonkers or David, I think I had lost the plot myself by then. I think it must have been detrimental to David and flattering to bonky, but why in heavens name did she sent it to the twerp for his opinion–that was the queer but, although it was okay about him he did a dickipoogy–which you think he would have been happy for her to publish bad things about David. I dont know what happened to the ms and its not in my computer files–I dont think!
    tata barbara

    1. Me! The ‘villain’ Barbara? I’ve not only been down-graded, I’ve been ‘reversed’!
      Pity really, it would have made good pulp fiction – like most of Bonkies other stuff!
      For now

  40. I wish I had kept it now, but honestly it didnt really add up to anything much , in fact I dont think it was finished. I think the title was from Heckmondwike to Highgate. But I warned her not to send it to Bonky, he would most likely trash it, which he did –she said she wasnt going to take any notice of him but once he had done a dickipoggy the book vanished, though I am sure it said nothing about him being a nutter, the situation had gone round it its circle by then and he was on the way in and you were on the way out, so I couldnt understnad why he had got his knickers in a twist–which he had–but again I cant recall what he objected to, or was just objecting for the sake of it! I am really surprised in view of eveything that he didnt make full use of it and splattter it all over the place — very odd when you think! He did huff and puff and make rude personal remarks but by that time she had stopped fighting him so didnt do anything other than abandon the book. This is my best recall because by then things had gone orf a bit, though I think it ws later you wrote to the priest David–sorry for being so muddled—after your letter to the priest things went rapidly downhill because I refused to phone him and offer my” excuses”–I said at the time the priest should have seen us together privately, not her for five minutes after mass on her own, I did not think that fair of appropriate. I w rote to the priest and said I was willing to see him at the presbytery if he wanted to discuss anything with me I would be happy to come to the presbytery but got no reply.
    But I then got it in the neck for my criticisim that she should not have been seen like that, and I got a stroppy e mail saying I was getting reported to the bishop and some other dire threats, I forget what exactly. Anyway I wrote to the Bishop myself but got no reply so I thought fair doos, if they aint bothered neither am I!
    tata barbara

    1. Hi Barbara,
      Actually, I sent her Internet posts about the ‘forthcoming’ publication of the book and its proposed contents about myself to the Priest, so I suspect he had much more to do with its ‘disappearance’ than Bonky ever did!
      She should stick to writing about ‘ghosts in aerodromes’ as that doesn’t need any venom. Anything else is way out of her league!

  41. I wish she had written a book. I’d imagine it would have been quite hilarious!!!
    Nothing could ever eclipse the stupid web page about David’s supposed impotence that attracted 15,000 hits after she linked it to a popular forum! I can’t for the life of me imagine why so many people took a look at it. Her and bonky must have wet themselves with joy.
    David, can I just confirm that you and fugly did share a bed, but only because there was nowhere else for her to sleep as your back room was all damp at the time? She recons there were attempts at dickipoggy but I don’t believe that. You were just being a gentleman right?

    1. I am just about to go out Alex but I’ll answer your ever so ‘delicate’ question about ‘respective beds’ when I get back. The night is young and the day seems to have gone!

      1. Hi again Alex,
        You asked about ‘sleeping arrangements’.
        Well as you know (I think) the ceiling in my back room partially collapsed in 2002 and it was almost impossible to use – let alone sleep in. But there was another large bed in the lounge which was quite large enough for two so nobody had to sleep on the floor or anything.
        It was still pretty cold then in winter as the flat had not then been decorated. I used to give her a hot water bottle if it was cold, two if it was very cold – one for each side, so to speak!
        So nobody was uncomfortable.
        Now does that answer your question?!?

  42. Well, it’s a start I suppose.
    It must have been awkward for you if you had got used to the temperature and fugly insisted on multiple hot water bottles. Didn’t you get all hot and bothered???
    It must of been strange getting undressed in front of her too. You must have realised that sharing a bed might give her the wrong idea. Did she ever “accidently” end up cuddling you in the night!!!!!

    1. Did she ever “accidently” end up cuddling you in the night!!!!!
      All the time Alex. All the time!

  43. i have images of a gurning naked pickaxe with teeth like stonehenge and a ridiculous pageboy haircut.
    i may never bone again…
    curse you alex. curse you farrant and curse you cat.

  44. -“Did she ever “accidently” end up cuddling you in the night!!!!! All the time Alex. All the time!”
    What was she wearing???

    1. Zilch Cat, or nowt (if that’s how you spell it!) as they say in Yorkshire.
      Just trust you to pick up on that!

      1. PS On reflection I think that is spelt “naught”. I don’t know. I don’t speak the lingo!

  45. She was wearing “naught” to bed?? No wonder she was chilly!
    Despite Craig’s opinions on the matter, I have not ever seen her “in person”, but in early photos she looks rather trim and in other later photos she appears, shall we say, a bit “huskier”, yet I am sure that if you asked David he would say his quarrel is with her actions and not her appearance, she being a woman, and he a lover of womankind, at least in theory.

    1. That’s it exactly, Cat, spot on! Actually, when I first met her she was kind and gentle and I can always appreciate inward beauty. But then the person suddenly changed and its almost as if some ‘demonic presence’ took over. It was not the Church. I never interfered with that; quite the opposite, I defended her. (In fact, I even located the local Catholic Church for her to attend once when she was in London). But then, for some reason, she made direct contact with ‘him’, and any inward beauty became replaced by ugliness which not long after turned into hatred.
      But it was her choice. Its all rather sad really because without his malevolant influence, she could have kept all her friends and retained her true Church. As it is now, she’s lost nearly all her friends by betraying them and supporting a fake church of which only himself is a member.
      I guess the point is, I can just understand people being so bitter.
      And what’s all this of me being a ‘lover of womankind’ now? That applies much more to that lecher, Craig, than it ever applies to myself!

  46. The whole ” change of situation ” would have been okay if it had not automatically involved running back to his bonkiness. I saw the writing on the wall, probably first, I could not believe what was happening or how it would end up. It says nothing to either persons credit or credibility that this happened, how can someone trust someone after who chops and changes so much–and to a set routine! To be honest, apart from “using” each other, neither person can have any respect or trust for the other. The blame for this U TURN was laid at David’s doorstep but I suspect that this was not the whole reason, that the temptation to dabble in bonkiness again had taken over. There was no way absolutely that I was going to go down that road, my honour would be affronted as we say in bonkyspeak apart from he give me the pip with his rubbish and lies. I think if that had no happened you might have remianed on good terms. I was not told, however, exactly what was going on–there was a lot of dickipoggy dealings going on I suspect, also betwix Kirklees where she had a toe in the water.
    Clearly she likes to have an “important” part as some kind of indespensible Girl Friday with these guys but attaching yourself to these fellas with their history wasnt a good move.But I wasnt surprised, I mights eem laid back but I am not as simple as might have been imagined though at the tiem I did get drawn in. If I had gone to church that morning when she got her b*******ing, I wonder what would have happened, though I cant see my sticking around with a bonkyite. Lucky I wasnt, because it then drew out the venom and the truth!
    tata barbara

    1. Well that’s it really it Barbara. They were (still are) just using each other for different reasons; but the common thread being to spread most unChristian untruth’s about other people, mainly myself. The irony is perhaps, that he really hates her for her past exposures, and she does not really trust him!
      Still, its not really my problem – its their’s!
      Lovely day again today. Its getting even hotter in London. Seeing Gareth tonight and will let him read the comments about his ‘boat party’. I suspect he will just find the whole thing hilarious – just as he did the ‘bear – hug’ business! Well, at least he’s got a sense of humour, unlike some!
      For now,

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1946 - 2019




From the vaults ...

A flashback to one of David’s comedic, profound or quizzical blog entries. Dive into the archives to find more gems. 

‘Sup’ With the Devil

Its Saturday, and still is, but nothing much happened today. Well, its unlikely to, I suppose; apart from Friday’s letters, everything is really ‘closed’. Before I forget