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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

Relentless Campaign

Bloody Saturday again! Didn’t really want to go out, but I had to. Running low on beer for one thing and it is Saturday night!

So what other news? A friend of mine who works in the film industry and who lives in Yorkshire has just informed me that he’s making an official complaint to his local authorities about the behaviour of certain people on a certain site who have been naming him in connection with some secret government ‘conspiracy’ over plans to develop land upon which is situated the alleged grave of the legendary Robin Hood.

Like other people, this person was once a friend of these two people, and he trusted them with confidential information like scripts for proposed film projects. But this hasn’t stopped them ‘turning on him relentlessly’ just for the sake of trying to milk yet more publicity out of the Robin Hood story. Robin Hood and his alleged grave in West Yorkshire has caused quite a lot of this over the years. Some people allege that he is buried in this deserted woodland grave solely on the basis on some stone inscription on the side which says so. There is really no more evidence than the suppositions of a handful of neurotic people; all extremely insipid stuff – especially when the grave – complete with inscription stone is certainly only the result of some Victorian folly.
Please don’t get me wrong. I have always said that the area might be haunted (indeed I have visited the area and the grave myself), but being a haunted place and being the grave of Robin Hood, are two different things entirely!

Anyway, my friend informs me that the relevant authorities are well aware of these particular two people and their persistent trouble-making. One actually thinks this ‘conspiracy’ extends to the owner of the land and has embarked upon a relentless campaign against this 80-year- plus old lady, accusing people (among other things) of ‘cap-doffing’ to her. I can only say that I think this is sheer and utter nonsense and – if anything – only confirms a massive ‘inferiority complex’ on the part of the person making this persistent allegation. If the ‘cap fits’ wear it anybody – and ‘yes’, that WAS intended as a pun! It is really sick.

Now, on to less serious things! I put a new shelf up in the kitchen today. Better re-phase that: I tried to put another shelf up in the kitchen today, but it promptly fell down. Or rather one end did as it hadn’t properly gripped the wall. Problem is, I think, is that it is a Victorian house and the walls have never been re-plastered in my flat. Guess that’s what happens when things get aged.

That also reminds me, I put my little ‘Babs the Witch’ statue up on a shelf in the living room, but I have now turned it round. It really has got such an ugly old face. I know its only a statue but it seemed to keep looking at me! Well, now it can just stare at the wall instead!

Speaking of ‘witches‘, did you know you can buy a lot of these Halloween relics at reduced prices in shops now? I guess they just think – like fireworks – they’ll be well past their sell buy date next year and just want to get rid of the horrid things!

Still got some emails relating to the Metro article to deal with. Not just the old one’s, they’re still coming in! Oh, for a quiet life!

Email back from a very old friend last night who I hadn’t heard from for a long time. Meeting up soon again I hope, as we know a few people in common. She doesn’t live too far away which makes it easier.

Finally, I have done a lot more work on the book today and that end chapter is getting longer and longer. It doesn’t really matter because my priority is to get everything in; not limit it to restricted space. And everything WILL go in; I can assure everyone of that. I wouldn’t keep mentioning it, but everyone keeps asking about it.

Anyway, I’ll take a break now. I’ve done enough writing for today!


22 Responses

  1. a massive ‘inferiority complex’
    i still dont get all this bullshit. Robin Hood was supposed to be a vampire?
    and let me guess, little John was the wolfman, will scarlet was frankensteins monster, friar Tuck was the creature from the black lagoon and maid Marian was the Mummy.
    robin hood is a good enough story anyway without turning it into some halloween freakshow.
    wasnt the old bird mates with some bloke who said he was a living relative of robin hood even though there was no proof of it?
    its all gotta be a laugh. nobody is that stupid surely!!!

  2. Dear David
    You mentioned putting up shelves, I have also had shelf related problems, 4 of them fell on me, all holding quite heavy books. I live in a Victorian house, none of the walls are straight, what bits of DIY I have done have probably reduced the value of the property considerably! Without doubt I have caused some kind of structural damage, any toolkit I use should have a picture of Frank Spencer on it . I just leave that kind of stuff alone now.
    Regards Matt
    (Of all the places your blog would be the last I would have imagined myself talking about DIY)

  3. Its a long story, Craig, and none of it really belongs here, anyway. There are other kindergarton sites dedicated to Robin Hood and all this nonsense.
    I only mentioned it at all because Cat asked me if there was any truth in this alleged MI5 ‘conspiracy theory’.
    I only really wanted to point out that this was really total nonsense. What they confused for a ‘MI5 conspiracy’ on my friend’s part, was only a fledging idea he wanted to develop into a film script. I think this would have made an excellent film but now it seems they’ve ‘sabotarged’ it by their stupidity.
    I really hope that they have sent this to the authorities, because they will make themselves look very, very stupid!
    Having said that, if there is any ‘conspiracy’ at all, it is the long and obsessive campaign the ‘old bird’ has against the owner of the manor who owns the grave. This poor old lady has done nothing to deserve the constant tidade of malicious lies and allegations being thrown against her by the person. THAT is really harassment.
    Maybe the authorities should be told about that as well.

  4. I entirely sympathiase, Matt.
    I hate doing things like that.
    I hadn’t really got any choice because I had to move a lot of things into the front room from out of the back bedroom, and I was trying to make more space.
    I finally managed it though. But then, its part of my nature not to give up on things!
    For now,

  5. I’m not sure what you mean.
    I mean, I’m not sure if there are other types of nails or if you are only joking.
    With you, I suspect the latter!

  6. me?
    i’ll forward that slur against my name to the police and have u done and then i’ll write a book about it!

  7. no seriously its a tube of gel/liquid and its called liquid nails.
    theres another brand called No Nails and it does the same thing.
    i used it when i had to put a bit of skirting board in the bathroom and nails were out of the question.
    you just put a bit of the adhesive on the back of whatever it is you want fixing on the wall and hold it in place.

    have a look

  8. Problem is Craig, that its just as likely to bring the shelf down with part of the wall attached to it!
    The damp penetration from the ceiling has affected some of the old plaster.
    Its not too bad in the front room – at least its dry in there!
    Roll on summer!

  9. Yes, it is Cat, but I have already explained why elsewhere.
    We are having a Cival dispute with the owners who have ‘vandalised’ much of the property (not just my flat, the whole house) in an attempt to make everyone leave. They will not succeed; but they’re certainly trying, and we have to live with it!
    Now, I’m glad you mentioned the girl again because I haven’t forgotten that! Don’t expect her to put shelves up obviously; just simple things like dusting shelves, keeping the kitchen clean, etc. etc.
    She wouldn’t be expected to do much else (unless she wanted to!) and I certainly wouldn’t expect her to do anything ‘heavy’ – after all, I am a gentleman at the end of the day! (As you’ve probably already gathered by not telling the real truth about certain things before!).
    But don’t worry, when I get to employ somebody, everyone here will be first to know (and I don’t expect any ‘smutty’ suggestions from yourself, Craig, so I’m telling you that in advance!).
    So, hopefully that’s still all on track,

  10. David is your statue of babs the witch 28 years old by any chance?
    check that link out i sent you.
    28!!!! guess that oil of olay anti aging cream was a rip off!

  11. I seem to have heard that somewhere before Craig! (though not in connection with yourself).
    Its funny though (well not funny in that respect) but its very statements like that, that I’ve included in my new book. Straight from ‘the horses mouth’ so to speak. (Maybe not ‘so to speak’!).
    No. I don’t really mind if you want to write a book about me. Everybody else seems to be doing it, so just ‘join the club’!
    For now,

  12. Oh just hurl the bloody statue in the dustbin and be done with it. Why do you want a figurine of an ugly woman in your flat when you can get real women (who look like women, not men) to do your bidding?

  13. I must admit I never checked your link Craig. Probably because I’m never quite sure where this would take me!
    My statuette of ‘Babs the Witch’ was given me by an old friend visiting. It was supposed to be a Halloween present.
    As I believe I said, I really felt kike dumping the thing in the rubbish, but I just didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
    If you are asking if the statue is an antique the answer can only be ‘yes’ and ‘no’. I mean, it certainly looks like an antique, but I don’t think it actually is in terms of value. (Don’t think its worth anything at all really, which was another reason I just wanted to put it in the bin! Ssssshh! Don’t tell her that!).
    If you could only see it Craig, I think you’d see what I mean. I can only see the back of it from here, but that’s enough!
    Its about 6 inches high and made of some sort of gunzy rubber, I think. Its face is not so much ‘evil’ but ‘demented’, and its got these ghastltly painted on luminious green eyes. Its holding a broomstick and looks as if it would really like to scratch your eyes out – which it probably would do if it was really alive!
    Its really not a very nice ornament, and I’m only keeping it for the moment (until the girl forgets she gave it to me!).
    I really don’t know where you got this 28 years from. Did you mean is it 28 years old ‘antique-wise’, or does it only look that age?
    I’ve answered the first point. If your’re asking how old is it meant to look as a statue, I din’t know. I certainly looks way, way over 28 and I’d say about 80 would be a good guess.
    It didn’t fall over last night. And won’t do again – touch wood.
    I wouldn’t mind so much if the grotesque thing was made of china or something because then if it broke into bits, I could say it was a genuine accident!
    I ask you to ‘ask me something sensible next time’, and what do you do? Remind me of that bloody cursed statue!!

  14. I’ll probably end up doing just that Cat.
    Its only because I’m just such a sensative soul towards peoples’ feelings, which is why I’m putting up with it!
    Anyway, got some more writing to get on with tonight so I’ve just covered it with a cloth so it doesn’t distract me.

    Sorry to read on some scuzzy blog that your ‘magic wand’ ain’t performing too well. Maybe the problem is one of inspiration. I find that a hessian sack, with holes for breathing, fitted over the visage of one’s boudoir companion usually does the trick and restores lead to the old pencil. I wish I had sent you my spare one earlier. Could have saved your reputation. By the way, does that witch statue have ‘made in Yorkshire’ stamped on the bottom ? And on the contentious issue of ‘love’ perhaps you’re a sociopath who can’t feel emotional bonding, or is it a case of inspiration again ?

  16. and you say i’m blunt!!!!
    david this made me laugh.
    i think my comment about age hit a nerve.
    the follwoing comment made me laugh.
    “Who cares about age–I certainly dont”
    …erm…so why bang on about it so much as in pensioner this, pensioner that, diogenes syndrome wah wah wah
    hypocritical or senile?

  17. Hi Craig,
    You are right of course. On that matter, I tend to make an exception for Rob; he has always been very outspoken and its a bit difficult to edit. Though he’s quite entitled to mention this. After all, other people chose to start spreadin g this most unChristian bile in the first, so they should not be surprised in some people don’t quite believe their hateful statements.
    However, Rob can wait a little. Its not far off 5 and I need to get some more wine as Gareth’s coming tonight. Fear not. I will answer!
    On the question of age Craig, I agree, this is totally hyporcritical. Especially when I am now being accused of being nearly 10 years older than I actually am!
    I don’t have to prove anything, the false assumption is their’s – not mine.
    There is a way to settle that actually, only it might cost someone around five pounds.
    I am told that if you have someone’s name and birth date (but not the year), it is possible to view birth certificates on the Internet.
    But then again, some people seem so determined to lie, that they’d even lie about that!
    Whatever, I doubt very much whether I’d ever get an apology, even if that would be the ‘Christian thing to do’!
    Yes. I think the word ‘hyporcrisy’ sums it all up Craig.
    Spreading hatred such as this is not a very Christian thing to do!
    YOU can wait Rob!
    For now,

  18. For Rob and EVERYONE,
    I really do want to leave this subject ‘of sexual’ ability’. I know it was started by others elsewhere (and continued by them with a vengence), but I just don’t think that’s any excuse to continue it here. After all, its not as if a ‘national issue’! It is the opinion of just ONE terribly vindictive female, backed up by some semi-blind companion.
    Nobody is even reading it to my knowledge, except a few ‘scandal-hungry’ individuals here!
    OK, Rob. I’ll qualify what I said again in general terms.
    Sometimes if a man doesn’t feel physically attracted to a woman, this does not automatically mean he is ‘impotent’ – it just means he might not ‘fancy’ her in that way. Its as simple as that.
    I have said though that sex should not be the most important thing (though sadly it often is), and you can still be in love with somebody nevertheless.
    (Read my main post on ‘Love’ today if you don’t understand this).
    But when we start personalising things (and people), it really does make it very difficult to answer.
    I really don’t want to hurt anybody; but Lord knows, some people seem hell bent on trying to hurt me!
    Yet I’m quite happy to leave situations to the people concerned. It then becomes a matter for just them; or rather is between a person and their conscience.
    Does that now answer the question? I really hope so!

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1946 - 2019




From the vaults ...

A flashback to one of David’s comedic, profound or quizzical blog entries. Dive into the archives to find more gems. 

Sax And Insensibility

Well, as I said in my last Blog, Della and myself have been kept pretty busy lately. I’ve already mentioned the recent radio broadcast, and