I had such a strange dream last night . . .
I was guest of honour at the Brighouse Gala in Calderdale in June 2013 (must have been a premonition obviously) and, after the ceremony, a surprise announcement was suddenly made . . . I had been selected as Lord Mayor of Calderdale.
Can you imagine that?! I had only visited the Shire to crown some Yorkshire-bred bint clad in a skin-tight bikini) and to enhance my local reputation and, here I was, virtually in control of the whole area. At first I wanted to refuse the honour (I am a humble person by nature) but could just not really find the affrontary to do so: my chain of office and mace were all ready for presentation and I did not want to appear as some ‘ingrate’ in the eyes of my Yorkshire followers (or at least, most of them).
But any hesitation was only momentary, as the real opportunities of such a position flashed before my eyes . . . I was about to be given power to influence local government; potential changes to local by-laws and some say in how the police governed the local community. On top of that, I would be able to influence such important issues such as preserving the grave of the legendary Robin Hood, and introducing custodial sentences for any local vagabonds who allowed their dogs to mess up streets or pooh in parks in the much loved Green Belt. And to get the ‘dole scroungers’ back to work and thereby serve some useful purpose in the community.
So I accepted, but on the condition that I could not live there but would take responsibility for local affairs from my main office in London.
But it was only a dream . . . or was it?!?
As back in the mists in dreary London I kept hearing the Bow Bells ring out . . .
“Turn again Farrant, thrice Lord Mayor of Calderdale”.
Think I might go back again and see if that offer of the three-storey house is still open! Have fun everybody!