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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

Just Trying To Remember . . .

Nothing to report really, newsworthy that is. But I suppose that doesn’t matter as this is only a personal Blog: its not intended to be some “News Bulletin”…

So there – you’ve been told! Not that there isn’t any ‘news’, just that I’m just trying to avoid any ‘controversial issues’ at the moment.

The weather was slightly cooler today. Not that I mind. Its still a lot warmer than that frightful cold spell that descended on the UK a couple of months back – and its still warm enough to enjoy a beer.

Well I was walking up to the store today around 7. It was still fairly warm and you didn’t need a coat. Half way up the road, a girl was coming towards me but I didn’t take that much notice. At least, until she got closer. She held my eye and gave me a smile and a wave; but do you know, I just couldn’t place her. She obviously knew me, but as I turned around, she was virtually ‘gone’. She was well dressed wearing a short flowing skirt; very light tights but fairly casual shoes. I was slightly perplexed. I recognised her, but I didn’t – if that makes sense. It was only a fleeting smile, but a knowing one. And I’ve just been ‘racking my brains’ to remember where I’ve seen her before. For she was definitely familiar, only I just couldn’t place her. I’d better not go on about it, or K might ‘have a go’ at me. But I just can’t help wondering.

Anyway, reached the store and bought some beer. Had to put it in the fridge after as it wasn’t that cold. But it didn’t take long to chill it after I got back.

Had a quick look at the Internet. Do you know, its really funny – at least on one particular Radio Forum. A man using an alias had been ‘attacking’ my radio interview last Sunday, literally implying that I was ‘the devil in disguise’ because I did not condone his particular views on ‘vampires’! Well, I simply don’t believe in them (so hard luck mister!) and could not say otherwise on the broadcast. I just said that that whole myth was “just pure fiction” – which it is.

But now; I’m just trying to remember where I’d met that beautiful girl!

For the moment,


26 Responses

  1. Dear David
    I listened to your interview on Nocturnal Frequency Radio, you didn’t come over as being ‘the devil in disguise’. I have just re-read In The Shadow of The Highgate Vampire, I particularly enjoyed the part of the book that described your childhood. I can understand why children in the neighbourhood wanted to come to tea, to have had the 405 line television aerials installed really was something back then.
    Regards Matt

    1. Thanks Matt,
      Good to hear from you again.
      Yes, unfortunately that person is still obsessed with myself and it seems I occupy most of his life! He’s recently ‘invaded’ the Radio Show page, after having been banned from its Forum writing under an alias as usual. Its quite funny really because everybody knows that’s its really himself.
      Yes Matt, probably most people have forgotten the old TV days of black and white, and if you had a 21″ screens, that was really something! (We did, but that’s only because my father was in the business).
      It was a long night Sunday as that interview was for 2 hours beginning at 4 am in the morning, UK time. But us ‘witches’ are used to ‘time laggs’ regarding them as just another interval in eternity! Still lost a night somewhere though!
      Started Vol 2 now. Doing all the trial/prison stuff which really is a pain. But that section will be completed soon then I can get on with the ‘easier’ stuff. It ‘lightens up’ much more after 1976 and I have all the ‘occult duel’ challenges to cover, which should prove fun. If I wasn’t being subjected to public ‘exorcisms’ I was being challenged to ‘sword fights’. Poor old sod! If he didn’t have me, his life would have been really boring!
      Thanks again Matt, and nice to see you back. Well at least its warm again now and we can enjoy a beer!
      For now,

  2. Hi David–I have just got onto that Radio Show, so I suppose that should be on the otehr thread. So it is OldSir Bumbling Anbery Spoutalot Whatsisname chuntering away–does he actually come on air. Its the same old stuff anyhow, got up the Net Curtains at Dawn! I also sent the Robin Hood stuff in–I’ll send you the same, well I thought why not, though I dont know if its gone to the right place! Its supposed to befor this new book but honestly the editor got in such a tizz with me over the copyread, and I really tried to do it right but the computery kept going dickipoggy I have just left it for now, if she wants it no doubt she’ll get in touch,
    tata barbara

    1. Well I’m on the radio Showboard as well now Barbara so lets see how he continues ‘face to face’!
      I see a certain person has also closed her ‘new’ group on Facebook as well. These people just don’t like facing me when I find ’em, do they!?!
      For the moment

  3. I never found the facebook one David, though I still find blogs and facebooks a bit confusing. My glasses are mended now but seems the typing isnt much better. I have sent you my article but its a bit lengthy you will have read lots of it before, still it makes a good story! And its jolly well true!
    D e mailed me last night by the way, but he is obviously steering well clear of all things robinhood. So its game set and match to the cap doffers–well not quite! They dont scare me and wont shut me up with their bullyboy tactics as if they are “important”–important my aunt fanny, we all you know what in the same pot! Excuse me for being indelicate but thats what us true Yorkshirefolk say–even his Bonkyness will do so! And milady!

  4. “Netcurtaingate ” continues. It just shows David that this person is practically joined at the hip to you and has a compulsive fixation with your person. Honestly, you could almost be flattered, talk about Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde–I wont say whos who. You are clearly his alter ego, you know I know we also get drawn in at times, but it is almost a joke, despite the desperate malevolence of his thoughts. Indeed, more to be pitid than blamed. We all do other things than think bonkythoughts , I have lots more in my life beside Robin Hood and vampires, ( and bonkygate) I do a lot of things things to help my family and friends and the animal charities, but he has a single minded fixation your poor old you, to the exclusion of anything else in his life—-and I think it is terminal !
    tata barbara

    1. The really funny thing is, Barbara, he really can’t see this, although almost everybody else can! Then he wonders why people ask me questions about him and/or his ‘vampire’ nonsense when he has been spreading it all in the first place.
      But no. I’m not really flattered. To be admired or hated (just the other side of the coin really – but the same coin) by ‘im is not the kind of thing I would wish on anybody. Jekyell and Hide is a good description. Only in his case there is no ‘good’ and ‘bad’, just dementia!
      For now,

  5. He is possessed, I think, by you to follow your every move., an obsession, mania, and also that true bonky nom ne plume, I CAN’T REMEMBER HOW ITS SPELT BUT ITS pretty pretentious, as usual!
    Nothing changes in Bonkiland or Bonkydom,

    1. That’s right Barbara. I’m even the star on his tiny MSN Boards – or whatever they’re called now. Pages upon pages with photographs (many of them stolen copyright material) all about myself. Can you imagine all the obsessive work he put into them! Remove myself and there’d be nothing left!
      Poor old sod. You know you could even feel sorry for him, if he wasn’t so evil. Which of course goes for the Yorkshire Pudding (or Dumpling or whatever people are calling her nowadays) as well. She is not so much ‘evil’ – just plain bitter!
      But life goes on!
      I’ll email you later to (try) give you some direction on Facebook.
      For the moment,

  6. Just took a look at that Nocturnal Radio comments section you’ve ben nattering on about, and I see “He” made quite a statement:
    “Why doesn’t David Farrant have the guts to face {Bonky} in private? They haven’t been in communication for decades. Why not sort everything out once and for all?…let’s play for higher stakes. Farrant has recently threatened to descend on {Bonky’s} private residence on the latter’s birthday in a few weeks’ time. He made the same threat five years ago, but failed to carry it out. Why doesn’t this twisted non-entity actually turn up as promised?”
    Proves that your old chum reads The Human Touch faithfully. So, Bonki, I address this question to you: why are *Craig and I* not mentioned on your “thehighgatevampire” blog? The Nocturnal radio guy is. Qayoom is. Why not us, mate?

    1. Very interesting article Barbara which I obviously received.
      No criticism really. In fact, it would make a good little ‘conspiracy theory’ book with all the facts in sequence tending to back this up.
      Couple of bits I did find amusing:
      The question mark over the ‘Yorkshire Pudding’s’ relationship with a ‘manager’ of the Estate, and Pudding’s ‘non-important’ status which surprised you about her getting permission to visit Robin Hood’s grave.
      I liked the ‘vampire’ references too; more precisely about the assumption of the clearly bonkers one who theorised that Robin Hood’s ghost (or alleged ghost’) was really a ‘vampire’.
      One very small omission I thought: although you named myself in connection with the Blessing Ceremony at the grave, you neglected to mention poor old Gareth who was just as vital to the proceedings as I was. He will be most upset! But you could easily amend that bit, so will tell him I’ve suggested it when I see him tomorrow. That should ‘cheer him back up’!
      I’ll let him read the whole thing anyway and pass on anything he says.
      Yes. Come to think of it, it would make an excellant little conspiracy book – especially with a little bit of filling out.
      (For a little bit of added humour – maybe a little irrevelant though – you could even say that Gareth got accidently trapped in the stocks at Hartstead Church. Remember I’ve got a photograph to back that up if ever its needed!).
      So seriously, think about it in terms of a book. That would certainly upset the locals! You could call it “The Cauderdale Conspiracy” – or something like that!
      Speak later,
      (Sorry almost forgot my full title: David Farrant, Patron of the Yorkshire Robin Hood Society)

  7. Cat I’ve allowed your post but I don’t want to deal with all Bonky’s absurd claims on here. This is a reputable Blog and I don’t want to turn it into a public ‘Cat fight’.
    But as I’ve allowed it, you might like to see my last reply.
    I said:
    “The only people I have accused of being yourself, S, have all been yourself using your various aliases., just as you’re doing now with “Arminious”.
    I have made no threats to you S, public or otherwise. I just said if you wanted to speak to me face to face(as you said) just come and knock on my door. That’s all! Where’s the threat in that??? Please enlighten me.
    David Farrant”
    Please Cat, no more of it!

  8. Oh dear, poor Gareth, what with my binning his shaving brush and now not inluding him, but actually I did because the other version done in third person gives him centre stage, the version I sent you must be the version I converted to first person. It is an amazing story and it is just as it was, so if anyone doesn’t like it tough! I’ll send you the other version on to show you what I mean, you dont have to read it all of course. It is I think lined up for a conspiracy book next year, but there is no reason why the story should not be told elsewhere. Of course I had a lot of it in Secrets of the Grave but only up to 2000 or something like that, and I have had to try and be concise. Also the book editor wanted me to discuss the wicked prioress. Also the story has been told in bits, but I really wanted to get in put in proper sequence right from 1983,
    Thanks for those positive comments!
    tata barbara

  9. hi david sorry havent been in touch for a while but had a few family problems but almost sorted now. just want to make it clear to all especially to the NOBALL cat and the NO WAY bishop that i was the one who said i would visit hes residense on his 65th birthday.i do not back down on anything i say and if ANYONE has anything to say to or about me then go ahead.but make sure you get your facts right!
    David,Gareth and Patsy are very dear to me and i value their friendship.i also feel that what people want to do and who they mix with is totally up to them and no one else
    so anything to say ………….
    will speak to you very soon David

    1. You tell them sweetheart and I hope everything’s getting better now.
      I was too much of a gentleman to tell them it was your idea to have a sea-side outing in Bournemouth in July, but as you’ve now freely volunteered it! yes it was!
      Actually, Gareth is really the priority has he’s got to go to the New Forest again to look up some contacts with Gerald Gardnier’s alleged ‘witchcraft Coven’ that met in the New Forest – or certain parts of it. But that wouldn’t take all day and we could certainly TRY and find a spot on the beach in the afternoon. (Sorry Speedqueen haven’t really explained much about Gardnier but he was a self-admitted English witch – who died in 1951 – whose book “Witchcraft Today” caused a storm of protest at the time). Hey, I,ve just thought, if we go to the Beach, you could wear your bikini!
      Yes. we’ll meet here again soon, just give me a ring. Soon!
      For the moment

  10. David a romp in the New Forest with you and Gareth sounds good to me and i will ring you over weekend to sort it out. As for the bikini ive just had one made in leather (black needless to say!) which im sure will get your approval but without the thigh length boots! (sorry Gareth x)
    talk soon and if you see Gareth tomorrow give him my luv and see you both very soon

  11. I forgot to sign with my full title as well: The Much Honoured Baldry Cat of Fortis Green.

  12. I feel sorry for myself that I’ll miss the 65th birthday visit to Bournemouth. I do hope a film crew will be there to record the momentous occasion. Too bad they couldn’t have bit of swordplay for old times sake.
    And speaking of ballocks, David have you checked “under the bonnet” so to speak to see if Speedqueen has anything “extra” down there?
    Laird Sir Baldry Cat, KG, MBE

    1. I’ve already checked that out Cat. No ‘hidden extra’s’. Well, I mean, how could you possibly hide things which are so clearly visible!?
      And don’t get any ideas about getting your claws anywhere near Speedqueen, Cat. I understand she’s got her own claws out for you. You’d have no need of a vet after that!

  13. Re: swordplay. On reflection, I discourage swordplay at the seaside town. It is reasonable to think that this “bonkers person” actually believes you are a demonic entity. If you go, wear some kind of protective vest that is capable of preventing penetration by either knife point or shotgun shell.

    1. What do you expect me to do Cat? Turn up in ‘chain armour’ weilding a cudgel and sword looking like something that has stepped out of some Hollywood film? The scrondrel would truly like that, and point his crooked finger saying. . . ” Foresooth, I told thee all so; the man is truly as mad as I am!”
      No, in that event more diplomency would be called for. Guess I could always wear a cheesecloth shirt; but then again, that would afford little protection. Probably – and as you suggested – a video film would be the best solution against any foul play. But even then, he’d just start posing in front of the cameras to get the best publicity shots. Good Lord, you just can’t win!
      Which is probably why I will not even attend the fiasco. The wretched person will probably put this down to ‘cowardice’ on my part; but then, why promote another publicity stunt which he is obviously planning.
      Stay at home I think. At least the beer’s better . . . and cheaper!

  14. – “What do you expect me to do Cat? Turn up in ‘chain armour’ weilding a cudgel and sword looking like something that has stepped out of some Hollywood film?”
    Just trying to make sure you’re not victim of an attack by a deranged person.

  15. ud need quite a bit of protection is u were to meet s. the whore of venus.
    i’d say about 10 condoms and a clap shot would be a start.
    PS Craig. I’ve editited your comment to ‘S’. I don’t want any confusion over identities here and just ‘s’ will do.

  16. Just for clarification, David, Gerald Gardner died in 1964, it was the woman that he said initiated him into witchcraft, Dorothy Fordham, nee Clutterbuck, who died in 1951. In 1939 they both lived in the village of Highcliffe-on-Sea – the local historian agrees with me that this was where the witchcraft revival started, but disputes that Mrs. Fordham was really involved with it, so that obviously a lot more research needs to be done. The quickest way to get to Highcliffe from London is to take the motorway into Bournemouth and then double back along the coast. Whilst doing so we could take a minor diversion to look at one of those quaint bungalows by the cliff tops. I doubt if the ‘whore of Venus’ is still in the same line of business in the entertainment industry after all these years, though. At both Bournemouth and Highcliffe there are miles of delightful beaches, which would be further enlivened by Speedqueen’s black leather bikini.
    Gareth J. Medway

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1946 - 2019




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