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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

‘Infamous’ Boat Party

Well, it’s Friday, and another lovely day. I always feel better in the warm weather, it gives me more incentive to write – hence another unscheduled Blog.

But actually, there’s another reason, I saw Gareth tonight (in fact, he is still with me now), and he referred me to a review published only yesterday in the Fortean Times [FT 250 ‘Special’] about my book. Quite good, really, in that it was a critical one. David Barrett pointed out that maybe I had ‘asked for’ some of the trouble brought upon myself (or which I brought upon myself) in the old days. I am talking about the early 1970s here. You will really have to read the review to get the gist. But I’m not complaining, it was a fair one, and as the magazine apparently reaches America, people shouldn’t have too much difficulty in obtaining it.

Now, let me deal with this ‘infamous’ boat party involving Gareth, which Cat and others seem to be so interested in. I did say that I would ask Gareth to explain it. So that is just what I’m going to do…So listen carefully, Cat, Craig, Pudding, and others, while I pass you over to Gareth to explain the real facts…

I understand that some people are interested in a certain boat party, which they have learned about from a woman who was sufficiently confused as to believe that Ronnie Scott’s Jazz Club was a strip joint. Actually this was not one party, but an annual event. A lot of people hire Thames river boats for parties in the summer. For this particular one people put on special clothes, and some of the women dress as pirates. Like any other such event, there is food, drink, and dancing, also usually there is a lovely view of the sky, one year the planet Mercury was clearly visible over the Houses of Parliament, which is a rare sight in London. It is true that punishments are handed out to malefactors, like they did on pirate ships. If anyone’s trousers have been pulled down (as Cat is apparently suggesting), it is for that reason. Also, the river police sometimes come alongside boat parties, not to board them like in the pirate movies, but simply to take some video footage. This has two purposes, firstly, to justify their existence by showing that they are doing something, secondly, because on any such boat they are generally having more fun that can be found on a police launch.
Gareth J. Medway

So there you have it, folks! The true explanation of what really happened at Gareth’s alleged infamous ‘river boat party’.
Anyway, I hope that satisfies you, Cat and others: now, just go out and buy the Fortean Times!

For the moment, everyone,


12 Responses

  1. The version I heard , Gareth ,had you sort of t russed up on the bow,, or is it prow—- the front anyway of the ship getting whacked. You might want to edit this David–I understand–but it is quite funny to imagine, though if you are the one at the receiving end of the misreporting, not quite so funny. Still we have all been there, what with me and shaving brushes and you and your hows-yer-fathers—-it is a case of what are deliberate distortians, which I think Bonky has raised to an art form, and pure stupidity, possibly without any malice aforthought. I am sure, for instance no-one took the shaving brush story seriously, it was a wind up.
    Though some of the tales–for instance my witchy house–was obvioulsy written for Bonky’s approval so there was some malice aforthought there, plus a very bad memory conjuring up , literally, something out of nothing.
    In the end there was nothing in that report which was true, those were deliberate lies and unfounded assumptions.
    But thats what I was told over ye naughty boat trip,

    1. I’m not going to edit it Barbara because you’re always very good her and don’t make false innuundoe’s or name others (I mean by using their full or real names) without their permission. Gareth or myself do not count in this respect; indeed, I sign my own name to everything and Gareth only asks to use my computer to answer the odd innuendo or two.
      Having said that, its better I let Gareth about the party as I just wsn’t there – neither was she. So I’ll pass your ‘observation’ over to him again, although it will have to wait till next Friday now.
      I can only give my own opinion about what he told me about the Thames ‘Boat Parties’, which are held every year in early July.
      Firstly, they are attended by many people, many in fancy dress. There is old fashioned music and much wine and merriment; rather like a ‘floating Robin Hood party’ I suppose, all that was lacking was Prince John! (which reminds me, bonkers wasn’t there either).
      The boat is anchored in the middle of the Thames (opposite the Houses of Parliament), and it is true that many guests go for a dip in the Thames, clothes being no impediment! I really don’t know what goes on above deck. It is much like any other party I suppose with people dancing and doing ‘all the rest of it’, as human beings do! Well why not? Some people just want a well needed break from their ‘9 to 5’ office jobs I suppose!
      But you are right not to believe all the other stories you hear, Barbara. What with Patsy, Dave, Andy, Drew, Gareth and myself, you’d think that person would be better off to go and get a job with the News of the World! to spread all her decidedly unChristian scandals!
      And if the Church ever got to hear of these ‘sex innuendoes’ she’s been spreading about them . . . well, she’s already been reprimanded in that direction and banned from writing the Parish magazine! (Little wonder if you think about it!).
      So, I’ll pass your post back to Gareth next week and he can answer it if he wants to.
      Glad you’re feeling better now you’ve spring-cleaned your house. Hope you’ve got rid of all the ‘witchcraft paraphernalia’ now!!
      For now,

  2. ps I didnt mind Craig and Cats jokes about the shaving brush particularly though I thought it juvenile and not very funny–little boys toilet humour! I suppose it was too good a chance to miss for them not to have some fun with! And a bit of revenge also!
    tata barbara

  3. this is the perfect weather for a good old boat party.
    how about the BPOS boat party?
    Craig Byron

  4. Well the dust mites were the real problem, not the satanic pollution or whatnot! and everyone has them even the queen, but I think mine had reached pandemic proportions. I have tried to manage without the inhalor though I have been much better, but still have no puff–according to the little metr they gave me! I feel fine though, puff or not, but old age is definitely sneaking up of it hasnt actually snuck! What with teeth eyes, heart pills, crumbling bones and now this I sound a real wreck. My Robin Hood letter has gone in the Courner apparently telling them theya re all cap doffers, but its not on line yet.Anyhow I am off out to enjoy the good weather with my grandaughter.Then a trip to the swimming pool, where there is a hot jacuzzi you can sit in and look out over the hills–its great.
    have a good day and no more dickipoggy boat trips Gareth! Yo ho ho
    tata barbara

  5. Gareth flogged by fancy dress pirates during a barge party? This is completely different from the story the Dumpling wrote of in her blog. I wish I could recall it. Something like: Gareth took her on a tour of the S&M clubs in the city and told her he was involved in an incident with a woman during an S&M party on a barge.

    1. What do you really expect, Cat?! All the dumpling’s stories are ‘slightly differemt’ from what actually happemed.
      And another thing: it wasn’t only Gareth who joined in the party games – many others were involved too. That’s something Ms. Dumpling didn’t know either!
      Now, I’m doing my Nocturnal Frequence Radio at 4 am this morning (English time). By all means listen but whatever you do DON’T phone in (or you Craig). I can do without any ‘rude’ questions!

  6. David–I know you dont like links but thsi one will have you in stitched–listern to it all the way through

    its a song my dad used to sing on the cricket trips, my mum used to hate it! Especially him singing it after a pint or two, and he couldnt sing anyway! I think it will fin a chord on the board–haha that rhymes. It could do to eb aung a bit faster, its an old Yorkshire song thogh the Irish pinched it and turned it—someohoe– a aptriotic song but this is the proper version.
    Hope it will amuse you if you leave on–also, I coudl put that other silly bycicle on one, but thsi is all for now
    tata barbara

  7. Sorry about the typing. I slept on my glasses last week and they are all sprained and wonky and I cant get to see straight as they dont sit straight.. I am having them mended tomorrow!
    tata barbara

    1. While you were ‘sleeping on your glasses’, I was up all night not sleeping doing a 2-hour radio interview fromCanada! You can upload it from Nocturnal Frequency Radio or the uplad is on Facebook. I’ll give more details in a Blog later ’cause havn’t been up that long!
      For the moment,

  8. In the foggy foggy dew
    My glasses went askew
    While David was in deepest chat
    With nocturnal frequency ” hows that!”
    My spectacles all cockeyed are
    They make me squint and stare
    But in the foggy foggy dew
    thats neither here nor there
    So in your chat to mounties bold
    The foggy dew swirls round so cold
    While thou dost spookily relate
    How the foggy dew became your Fate!!!!!

  9. – “by all means listen but whatever you do DON’T phone in (or you Craig). I can do without any ‘rude’ questions!”
    Don’t worry! I would never call, I don’t want to encourage those silly paranormal podcasts to think they have more listeners than they actually do.
    – “its an old Yorkshire song thogh the Irish pinched it and turned it—someohoe– a aptriotic song but this is the proper version.”
    Barbara, it’s also the tune of THE LUMBERJACK SONG by Monty Python.

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1946 - 2019




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