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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

Don’t Be Shy!

Well, its Sunday and a beautiful day it is as well. I have to go out in a minute as the store shuts at 5 and I need a couple of things.

Gareth came last night instead of Friday and Patsy turned up with her new husband as well. Might be a good time to inform everyone here, that Patsy has agreed to be new Secretary – I am handing the papers over tomorrow, then it will be really official. I am still looking for a new private Secretary though as Patsy has her own job to consider as well. (Its alright, both Patsy and K know this so nobody is being ‘deceived’!). So, anybody got any ideas or suggestions please let me know. It has to be a girl though. And ‘no’ , no ‘Womens Lib complaints please as she’ll be doing it for love, not for money! I’m actually being serious, folks. I’ve been so inundated with Society work lately, that I could do with some help. I don’t care what her ethnic back-ground only that she should care about the subject and care about getting involved.Don’t get me wrong, I still get a lot of help (Gareth’s help has been invaluable for example) but I know everyone would appreciate a little more freedom form Society queries and other obligations. So, just let me know. Don’t be shy!

You know, all this work is enough to drive you to drink! Actually, a couple of cold beers or a glass of wine or two actually help me to relax. But I’m not a ‘registered alcoholic’ as has been suggested elsewhere on the net by a particular irate person. ‘Registered’ where, or to whom or by whom, they are careful to avoid saying. The reason why is obviously because they know this is not true. Well, it merely adds to all the scandal, I suppose! All this going around about me being some sort of ‘cult figure’ is not true either. I have always condemned cults, and certainly don’t want or need any ‘followers’! I have always just been myself and never pretended to be something I’m not, like some people I could mention. I really don’t need anybody in that respect. I am fully self-sufficient! Still, I suppose people will continue to talk about me or feel obliged to write things about me. But I don’t really care that much really. I guess its when people don’t feel the need to talk about you at all, that you might have cause to worry!

I have got to go out and buy a vacuum cleaner (maybe tomorrow). Now I’ve got new carpets, I suppose I’d better try and keep them clean even if I can hardly move in most of the clutter at the moment. I went out a little earlier and saw ‘my’ girl at the launderette. She was standing outside smoking. “Glad to see somebody else has got good habits”, I said. She just laughed! Actually, I’ve got to try and stop smoking in the street so much. People keep coming up and asking me for cigarettes and it gets expensive at ₤5. 30 a packet. My friend H is still ‘on holiday’ at the moment so I’ll be glad when he comes back and bringing me ‘duty-free’ ones again. Costing me a bloody fortune at the moment!

Well, everyone. That’s all the boring news. Something’s bound to happen tomorrow. It always does!



15 Responses

  1. Is there such a thing as a registered alcohlic? How do you join? I wondered if whoever accused you of being one, David, got his/her wires crossed-I suppose you can belong to Alcoholicas Anonymous but that hardly same, you just sign up with a group, or the doctor could diagnose you as having it as an illness( not so sure I believe it is myself, or, if so why cant you be an ill smoker?though I suppose you can be an ill fat person or an ill thin person……..hmmm) You can also be diagnosed as a crackpot but I am not sure whether you can be a Registered Crackpot.

  2. It was great to see you and Gareth on Saturday, David. Hope we weren’t too late in arriving. we managed to get Gareth home alright (even after a few wrong turns!)

  3. wanted also to say that I@m glad that you’ve met your ‘girl’ again – you were always destined to, you know!

  4. Hi Barbara,
    Well, we all know who the person was told this by, don’t we?! ‘Hell hath no fury’, yet again!
    But apart from that, I’m hardly likely to be a member of ‘AA’. That’s where you go if you want to stop drinking! I don’t. Though I’m not an alcoholic!
    Lord give me strength!

  5. Its nothing short of a miracle that you got Gareth back!
    He’s coming over tonight again actually, as I got another 3 chapters done yeasterday. He doesn’t know it yet but there’s about another 60 A5 pages to finalise ready for print. Nearly there!
    Thanks for last comment. I’m obviously not going to discuss her here. there are too many malicious people about to risk linking her name to any scandal – rather I should say THEIR ‘scandal’.
    Anyway, we’ll see.
    For the moment,

  6. – “P.S. You must join me in a glass of wine sometime: you really don’t know what you’re missing!”
    I hope you don’t mind, I copied the above from the Peroxide blog you posted on. Which leads me to a question that deserves as clear an answer as you can manage.
    Would you sit down with your former secretary (aka the Yorkshire Terror, Spunky Assistant, etc) and have a glass of wine perhaps in a dark bistro, busking violinists, etc and have a heart to heart chat? Or are you afraid she would produce a stilletto and plunge it into your back?
    Just wondering.

  7. We never had that knid of ‘candle-lit’ relationship, Cat, although if I recall I did take her out to dinner for her birthday once.
    But the answer to the last part of your question is: ‘No, I definitely wouldn’t’!

  8. Hi David,
    What makes you think that “Peroxide” is you ex-secretary?
    Can you be sure it is not the posturing primate trying to shit-stir!

  9. Hello again David,
    I was hoping that the young lady in question had moved on. If she is still being orchestrated by the pouting prelate then God help her!
    Did you know she has her own Christian blog.
    And that she has a photography/printing business.
    I know this is going to be unpopular on here, but I used to like the woman; when she was fighting in your corner then she didn’t pull any punches. Then she completely lost the plot and made your life a misery. She really ought to have been prosecuted for wasting police time with those falsehoods she was pedalling about you!
    Oh well, there’s now’t as queer as folk!

  10. You would have thought Bonky would have been delighted with your “ex’s” literary efforts, I never understood why he went–well–bonkers and forbade her to publish it–or why she obeyed him. Still this scandalous tome- or flimsy stapled pamphlet in his own words, is no longer in my posession so no one need worry about its contents appearing in cyberworld and giving the bishop the vapours. For the record, they were not exactly memorable , witty or wise, just a record of what had happened at the time, about half way through I lost the plot and fell into a coma

  11. Hi Paul,
    Long time no hear from! Hope everything’s OK.
    What I AM sure of, Paul, is that the stuff “Peroxide” is blindly repeating could have only come from Bonky, and him alone. He is the only person who dedicates himself to this ‘campaign’ on the Net
    The person herself makes no secret of the fact that she has been in contact with Bonky. Indeed, she put a public message up on my Message Board over a year ago to Bonky offerring him some ‘scandal’ because the two of us (her and myself) had now ‘broken up’.
    She then advertised a book she was writing about myself on her Blog which was to be with ‘Bonky’s approval’.
    She then proceeded to send a copy of this book to Bonky for his prior approval. It as never published because I was given to understand that Bonky was not ‘happy’ with it.
    Peroxide’ comments are not her own but obviously directed at myself with Bonky’s full approval. For this there would have had to be regular communication between them. That’s all I’m saying.
    That’s why I added in one of my posts that this was just another example of . . . “Hell hath no Fury”, etc.
    Please keep in touch now that you are back. For the moment,

  12. Hi again Paul,
    I am sorry. I’ve left your comments but have had to remove the two links. (My friend K would go mad if I didn’t!). I have already been referred to the two sites though and I wouldn’t have said the Christian one is exactly ‘compactable’ with her past behaviour.
    Oh, well. God will judge!

  13. I found the funniest thing on YouTube, a poem about Bonky. Was this written by “our David” or by a (funny) impostor?
    I am full of Heavenly might
    My Tea Pot cosy
    I weareth by night
    In the midst of my slumbers
    I groan and I ponder;
    Surley that can only be Princess Di out yonder!
    I twist and I turn in idle speculation
    When my wife doest reveal
    I’ve had an ejaculation!
    I know not from whence the dream came
    And awaiteth the morrow
    As it might happen again
    (c) David

  14. For Barbara,
    Sorry, wasn’t ignoring you.
    Yes That book was a classic!
    Can you imagine it? People actually going to the trouble of writing books about me?!? Must have taken a lot of dedicated effort – no doubt, with some encouragement!
    Don’t really know whether to be flatterred or ‘out-raged’!
    Well you read it! I didn’t. But I can imagine what it said! The embitterred ravings of a lady ‘lost in love’, no doubt?!
    Still, bles the person concerned. I’m sure she meant well!
    For the moment,

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1946 - 2019




From the vaults ...

A flashback to one of David’s comedic, profound or quizzical blog entries. Dive into the archives to find more gems.