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The Human Touch Blog ~
David Farrant

No knickers – I kid thee not!

The Council were doing some work out in the road today fixing some burst water pipe or something. You realise that the work has to be done, but why did the bloody thing have to burst or leak right outside my window?! The noise was atrocious and, worse than that, it never seemed to stop. Even worse; I was trying to write some pressing letters on the computer. Not simple ‘hello how are you’ type letters but ones that demanded and explanations to important pending issues.
I decided that I’d have to go next door away from the road. The only problem was, I didn’t have a computer next door, aside from which the room was cluttered with things I’d had to move away from a partially collapsed ceiling. But I nevertheless conceded that the only was to get the letters finished was to do them in long-hand then retype them later on the computer. Two hours or so later they were finished but still the noise of a phenmatic (that word’s definitely spelt wrong but the spell checker hasn’t picked it up and I can’t be bothered to look in the dictionary) drill was going on, so I decided to stay amidst the mess as the racket was no better in the kitchen. I decided to make use of the forced opportunity to try and clean up the room a bit…
The exercise proved eventful as some things considered ‘lost’ turned up amongst the rubble. One strange find was a pair of knickers and I genuinely had to rack my brains to remember who they had once fitted. I concluded that they must have been forgotten by Muriela ‘beautiful (but totally mad) psychic I had not seen since 1990. I laughed, as Muriel never brought an over-night bag with her but just slept in here underwear (well, not all the time!) and she must have gone all the way back to Enfield (some 6 or 7 miles away) without wearing any knickers!


12 Responses

  1. Hi David. I saw a link to an article in the Sun where you were supposed to have a mass orgy.
    Is there some connection between this and all the pictures of semi-naked women that seem to be connected to you lol
    No offence.

  2. I think the only crime is not to have topless girlfriends. Did you ever have two women at the same time? (Modelling, that is)

  3. Hi Craig,
    I know I invited you to ask questions, but I really don’t know where you got the idea of ‘witchcraft orgies’ in my flat from! (Don’t worry, I’ll forgive that in view of some of the nonsense being peddled on the Internet at the moment by a couple of irrate people about such rubbish!).
    If your’e assuming the knickers left there were a result of such ‘orgies’, then I’ll have to disappoint you. But if you really want to know, I have had a few girlfriends in the past and a few of these had modelled for me. Well why not? I was a lot younger then and anyway, its not a crime!
    But the last time anybody modelled in my flat as part of some assignment was back in 1989. Sorry to disappoint you!
    Oh! There was another time last summer, but the girl wasn’t really modelling. I remember it was a very hot and humid summer’s night (my flat really traps the heat sometimes in summer) and she was topless (well not far off being ‘bottomless’ as well!) because of the heat. I took a couple of photographs of her with a nearby camera, but again, that’s hardly a crime is it?!
    David (Farrant)

  4. She just joined the collection of innocent pictures, that’s all! Certainly not in the way that Craig was implying that ‘mass witchcraft orgies’ were going on!
    I was merely pointing out just how easy it is for things to be distorted out of all proportion sometimes. Maybe, some other people do that, as indeed they might try to do. I am only trying to answer points as these are put to me about postings I have made in my blog, that’s all!
    By the way. welcome “Long John Baldry’s Cat”.
    David (Farrant)

  5. Thank you for making me welcome. I shall certainly stroll by here from time to time. If I am missing it only means I’ve gone “a wandering” and shall return eventually.

  6. “Hi LJC, I have heard that cats don’t have owners, they have ’staff.’ Is that true?”
    It depends on the cat.

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1946 - 2019




From the vaults ...

A flashback to one of David’s comedic, profound or quizzical blog entries. Dive into the archives to find more gems. 

David Farrant with members of the B.C.P.S. at the Ram Inn

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Here is an account of the second vigil at the Ancient Ram Inn which took place in November 2002. In fact, I traveled down with